Narutard Theater Extras
by mistressinwaiting
Summary: Okay, so as our favorite shinobi try and escape from jail, they're met with a whole lot of complications. One being Tsunade gambling away the village's deed while the other . . . is Naruto being James Bond. -CHAPTER 10-
1. THE FLUSHOT

-Okay, so Sasuke and Naruto are enemies, right? Then why are they working together! Oh, wait, Naruto asked for Sasuke's help? Oh, that makes sense . . . in a different dimension where nothing is correct. And why the hell is Naruto running from Sakura who has a huge needle? Flu-shot, you say? Wait, Naruto's scared of a flu-shot? Oh, god, he's going to be the next Hokage and he's scared of a shot…

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**Yay! A new fanfiction! But technically, it's going to be a whole bunch mashed together chronically. But this is my first attempt at a comedy, so don't flame me! Please don't.**

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Chapter One

The Flu-Shot

"HHHHHHEEELLLLLPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE! SSSOOOOMMMMEEEBBBBOOODDDDYYY!" (HELP ME, SOMEBODY!)

That horrible, loud, glass-breaking scream was heard all over Konoha as the blonde ninja ran out of the village gates. He kept running and running and running and running until…

_BUMP!_

"Who the hell—Oh, Sasuke, hi!" He waved to the missing-nin and his team. Then the idiot glanced behind him and saw this trail of smoke coming in the far distance, and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "OH MY GOD! SHE'S _COMING_! SORRY, NO TIME TO TALK! I GOTTA GO! GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO!" He looked both ways, trying to find an escape route.

"Dobe, what _are_ you doing?" Sasuke asked, ever-so-innocently. (A/N: Ha-ha, we know Sasuke's _not_ innocent.)

Naruto didn't answer. He just took a shovel (out of nowhere) and started digging a grave.

"What are you _doing_?" Sasuke and his team asked this time.

"Hiding." Naruto dived into the hole and covered himself. "If Sakura asks, tell her I went _that_ way." he said through the meter of dirt.

Team Hebi looked at each other and just shrugged. Soon, that trail of dust came near and out came…a pedophile! No, it was just Sakura.

"Okay, now where did he go? That _idiot_! I'll strangle him, I'll pulverize him, I'll—" She turned around and just stared at Team Hebi—well, mainly Sasuke because he was standing right in front of her. "Oh, well, this is embarrassing…" Sakura could have blushed, but there were more important things to do. "Did you see where Naruto went?"

"_Who_?" Suigetsu asked, but Sakura had dust in her ears and eyes (well, _hello_, she was running so fast), so she thought it was Sasuke who said that.

"Oh, wait. Let me translate for you. Ahem. Hn, hn, hn, hn, ah, eh, Naruto, hn . . . and oh, yeah, hn." she said. "Does _that_ make it easier for you?"

"Oh, yeah, _perfectly_ easier." Karin muttered.

"Hey, Sasuke, why do you sound like a screechy bitch?"

"Sakura, do you have sand in your eyes or did you drink a gallon of coffee?" the Uchiha [bastard] asked.

"No" was Sakura's answer. "You—are—just—standing—in—my—way." She poked his chest with every single emphasized word—no, wait, with every single emphasized syllable.

"Sakura, can you stop poking me?"

"No…" she shook her head. "Well . . . tell me where Naruto is and I'll spare your chest from being poked."

"That way." All of Team Hebi answered. It would have been convincing, but they were pointing at all different directions. (Karin was pointing at the sky.)

Sakura just glared at the rogue ninjas and crossed her arms. "No, seriously, guys. I have no time for this."

"Did you try Ichiraku ramen?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, I tried it already. I _know_ how it tastes." Sakura answered. "I mean, Naruto brings me there almost _EVERY_—_SINGLE_—_DAY_!"

"No, no, I mean the stand."

"Why would I eat the stand?"

Sasuke mentally slapped himself. "Sakura, I think you're spending too much time with Naruto."

"Well, _excuse me_ for wanting to spend time with the only teammate I got left since _somebody_ left to work with a stupid pedophile who probably stole his virginity and since that same _somebody_ nearly killed his replacement."

"You _know _I didn't mean to kill that snow-white guy. It was an accident."

"Che, right… Accident my ass…"

"What was that?"

"_Nothing_!" Sakura giggled nervously.

"Why do you need Naruto for anyway?"

"It's flu season," was Sakura's blunt answer as she turned to look in all directions.

"_And_?"

But Sakura didn't answer. "Now, if I were a stupid ramen-loving fool, where would would I'd be?"

"Gee, I don't know," Karin said, sarcastically. "Oh, wait! Maybe IN A PLACE THAT _HAS_ RAMEN!"

"Quiet, bitch!" Sakura screamed back. "Nobody asked _you_! Now shut up and be a good quiet little Hinata."

"A _WHAT_?" Karin screeched.

"Hinata, Hyuga Hinata." Sasuke answered. "She's a quiet girl."

"Oh…"

"Well, anyway, I'll see you guys later." Sakura said, walking off. "Oh, when I find that dobe, I'll _kill_ him! I'll strangle that dirty little neck of his and then I'll boil him and I'll…" Her voice trailed off as she went further and further away from Team Hebi.

"I don't even want to _know_ what she has planned for the sorry fool…" Suigetsu said.

All of Team Hebi nodded their heads in agreement.

"Is she gone?" Naruto asked, suddenly popping out of the ground like a daisy.

"Well…" Juugo was about to say something, but then there was a flash of pink and…

_BAM!_

Sakura kicked Naruto in the face and sent him back flying. She took out a walkie-talkie and yelled into it. "Cherry Blossom to Mountain Pig, Cherry Blossom to Mountain Pig! I have the victim in sight! I repeat, I _have_ the victim in sight! The place is just outside of Konoha! I repeat, the place is _just_ outside of Konoha! Requesting back-up!"

"This is Mountain Pig," Ino said on the other line. "We got your message. We're sending reinforcements to your location. Just make sure the victim _stays_ within your sight! Reinforcements will be there shortly."

"Affirmative, Mountain Pig." Sakura said. "Cherry Blossom, out!"

"Oh no!" Naruto screamed. "I gotta get out of here!"

"Oh no, you _don't_!" Sakura screamed, taking out a huge rope and lassoing it around Naruto and then tying the fool up. "You ain't going _any_where! You've caused the whole village too much trouble already!"

"Oh, come on, Sakura! Have mercy!" Naruto pleaded. "Sasuke-teme, come on! Help out an old friend!"

Sasuke sighed. "Sakura, just exactly _what_ did Naruto do?"

"He refused to take his flu-shot, _that's_ what!" Sakura said, stomping on Naruto stomach. "He destroyed mine and Tsunade's offices, made a run for it, got the whole entire ANBU group on his tail, destroyed the main road of Konoha and the gates, and _now_ he's going to _pay_!"

"_Nooooooooo_!" Naruto cried. "Come on, Teme! Say something!"

Sasuke turned to Sakura. "How can I help?"

"_SASUKE_!" Naruto shrieked. "How could you _betray_ _ME_?"

"Dobe, _you're_ the one who's causing trouble now. I'm _not_ going to help you."

"YOU HEAR _THAT_, NARU_TARD_!" Sakura yelled. "SASUKE AIN'T GOING TO BAIL YOU OUT THIS TIME, WHICH MEANS _I_ GET TO _CHOOSE_ WHICH NEEDLE-SIZE I WANT _YOU_ TO GET! AND GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE GETTING THE _HUGE_ ONE!"

"_Noooo_! Sakura, please! I'm _begging_ you!" Naruto cried on his knees.

"Too late for that, Naruto!" Ino yelled as she and the whole entire Konoha 11 appeared. "You're getting that shot!"

"NO! NO!" Naruto shook his head furiously. "PLEASE NO! PLEASE I'M BEGGING!"

"Hinata, the shot! Administrate it _now_!" Sakura commanded.

"H-Hai!" Hinata stepped out of the crowd, holding out a huge needle.

"No, no, no! Hinata, _please_ don't!" Naruto cried.

"I'm sorry, Naruto…" Hinata said as she stuck the needle into Naruto's arm. "But this is for your own good!"

Naruto's head slumped forwards after the shot was administrated.

"Anoo . . . is he _supposed_ to do that?" Karin asked.

"Anoo . . . Hinata, was that the _correct_ syringe?" Sakura asked.

"Anoo . . . Lee g-g-gave it to me…" Hinata answered, pointing at the green-spandex wearer.

"_Lee_?" Sakura asked deadly.

"It is the correct one!" Lee said in a salute. "The cover said, 'S10920IK98HM,' just as you asked, Sakura-san!"

"Anoo . . . _Lee_?"

"Yes, Sakura-san?"

"It's supposed to be 'S10920IK98H_N_,' _not_ 'S10920IK98H_M_'!"

"Oh…"

"Is that bad?" Kiba asked.

"_Very_ because it's a pain reliever with a whole lot of side effects!" Sakura said.

"And one of them would _be_..?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto's head suddenly popped out, his eyes as big as dinner plates. He looked at Sasuke and began to drool. "Ooh, fried chicken! Let me at it!" And he pounced.

Luckily, Sasuke moved out of the way, and Naruto hit a tree.

"I found the correct syringe!" Shizune's voice was heard in the distance. "I—" She took a good look at Naruto and sweatdropped. "Anoo . . . what _happened_ here?"

"You _don't_ want to know, Shizune." Sakura said. "You don't want to know…"

✿°. ·∴终わる∴· . °✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**Anoo = um**

**Okay, I know the ending stunk! But the next chapter shall be better (and longer)! Just wait for it! There wasn't a lot of couplings in here yet, but just wait! Oh, and please review! And read my other fanfictions!**

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Preview:

_"Oh, shit…" Sasuke said as he picked up Sakura bridal-style and jumped out of the _HUGE_ snowball's way. But just when Sasuke thought they were safe, Chibi-Ino big-sized began to punch the tree they were on. (Ino's evil laughter could be heard in the background.)_

_"I thought they could only throw _snowballs_, not punches." he said to the kunoichi resting in his arms._

_"Well, technically, she's not breaking the rule." Sakura said. "The snowman, regardless of anything, is made out of snow. And Ino herself is not throwing the punches; her snowman-self is."_

_Sasuke scoffed. "Annoying…"_

_"_EXCUSEZ-MOI_!" Sakura shrieked. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME—"_

_"I wasn't talking about _you_!"_

_"Oh," Sakura said, forgetting about her anger. "Then carry on."_

_"Hn." And then Sasuke carried her off of the tree._

_"You're not getting away that easily!" Ino said, chuckling darkly. She moved the controls again, but this time they snapped and broke. "Oops! I guess it really _is_ made out of snow after all…"_


	2. THE SNOWBALL FIGHT

-Okay, so now that Naruto's got his shot, everything is back to normal: the ramen-loving idiot goes back to taking missions, Sakura goes back to peacefully working in the hospital, and Sasuke being the rouge ninja. But when Sakura becomes bored on a winter day, what happens after she watches _XxxHolic_? She shows it to Tsunade, of course! And she and Shizune come up with a plan to bring the Team 7 back together even though it's only for a day!

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**Yay! A new chapter! Hooray! This is based on _XxxHolic_ episode 19, okay! So please enjoy!**

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Chapter Two

The Snowball Fight

"Sheesh, no matter how much I clean, it seems like there's no _end_ to it!" Shizune sighed, looking around Tsunade's horribly messy office. "And of course, at the end of the year, _I'm_ always the one who has to deal with it because _you_ don't keep stuff organized on a daily basis." No answer from the Hokage. "_Hora_! Tsunade-sama, are you even _listening_ to me?"

"Hm? What? I'm not dealing with a lot of trouble." Tsunade said.

"Right," Anko said, pouring some sake into her cup. "This is no trouble whatsoever."

And that's when Shizune caught sight of the alcohol. "_EH_? What do you two think you're _doing_? Drinking in broad daylight!"

"What do you mean, _'what are you two doing'_?" Tsunade asked. "If there's a moon, you drink in the moonlight. If there's snow, you drink and enjoy the snow. You know how that goes."

"Yeah, sure…" Shizune sighed, continuing her job of cleaning up after her boss. "That's _exactly_ how it goes…" Jeez! She _always_ finds a reason to drink!

At that moment, the door slammed open.

Tsunade groaned. "Well, if it isn't—"

"Tsunade-shisou, isn't there _anything_ I can do today?"

Tsunade almost choked on her saliva. "_Sakura_?"

"_Hora_, _hora_, you were expecting _Naruto_, weren't you, Tsunade-sama?" Anko asked, giggling.

"SHUT UP!" the blonde woman turned to her apprentice. "What do you mean, Sakura? I mean, it _is_ your day-_off_. If I made you do something _today _then that would make me a horrible boss, now wouldn't it?"

"_Yes_, but you would be a horrible _mentor_ if you _didn't_ give me something to do anyway!" Sakura shouted back. "I _need_ something to do! I'm so bored I'm watching _paint_ peel!"

"_Really_?" Tsunade scratched her chin. "Now, that _is_ a problem…"

"It _is_?" Anko and Shizune asked. They gave each other skeptical looks but then shrugged it off. Better not to get on the drunk Hokage's bad side.

"Ooh! I got it!" Tsunade said triumphantly. "It's snowing, right?"

Everyone nodded. "_Yes_…" What did Tsunade have in mind?

"Then I got _just_ the thing. Heh-heh…" Tsunade chuckled with an evil look in her eye.

"_Anoo_ . . . Tsunade-sama?" Sakura asked, a bit afraid of her shisou's answer. "What _exactly_ are you planning?"

"Well, if I told you _XxxHolic_ episode 19, would you be able to figure it out?"

"_XxxHolic_..?"

And then a light bulb went off in the kunoichi's (Sakura, Shizune, and Anko's) heads.

"_Oh_..!" they all exclaimed. "Now that _is_ a good idea!"

"And here's how we do it." Tsunade said, gesturing for the kunoichi to come closer. "Anko, you're in charge of finding the perfect place for this whole thing and then you're in charge of getting the food and stuff. Shizune, write a letter to Karin of Team Hebi."

"_Team Hebi_?" Sakura asked.

"Of course! What fun would this be with_out_ them?"

"But what makes you think Sasuke will agree to this? Let alone _come_?"

"Because Karin still owes you for the last time you met up with them (the manga chapter 482-4). She'll _have_ to get them to come." Tsunade said. "Oh, and Sakura, your job is going to be the _most_ fun of all. You get to—"

And the rest will be shown in just a bit during the snowball fight.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

With Team Hebi . . . well, we don't really know _where_ they are right now because, hey, they're rouge ninja. _Nobody_ exactly knows where rouge ninja are, but anyhow… They were travelling to someplace near Konoha but not _exactly_ close to Konoha—get what I'm saying?—since Sasuke didn't want Naruto or Sakura interfering with his plans.

And then all of the sudden, this _HUGE_ hawk comes out of nowhere and starts squawking up a storm. The shinobi stopped and just stared at it, Juugo being the only one to notice its headband. (Yes, ninja birds have headbands, too.)

"It's from Konoha," Juugo stated. "It has a note."

"To _who_?" Suigetsu asked.

Juugo took said note and read its TO address. "It's for Karin."

Said girl and the Uchiha raised their eyebrows.

"For _me_?" Karin asked as she took the note.

"Ooh, is that a _love letter_ by any chance?" Suigetsu teased.

"HELL _NO_!" Karin screeched. "It's from the Hokage."

_You owe Sakura _BIG_ time…_

Karin fell in an anime depression form, and all the male members of Team Hebi—yes, _including_ Sasuke—sweatdropped.

"What a _wonderful_ note…" Suigetsu said.

"There's something on the back." Juugo added.

"_Really_?" Karin asked. "I'm afraid to read it." But nevertheless, she turned the letter over.

_We thought of something really fun and amusing—yes, even for _you_, Sasuke—so come to the training grounds. The whole entire Team Hebi is to come with you. Oh, and Karin, since you owe Sakura _BIG_ time, your job is to persuade the rest of Team Hebi to come. From, the all-mighty Hokage._

"All mighty-Hokage my ass…" Karin fumed, not liking the fact that she still owed Sakura BIG time.

"It sounds fishy," Juugo said.

"Yeah! How do we know they're not trying to _arrest_ us?" Suigetsu asked. "That Tsunade has a history of not paying off her gambling debts. Maybe she just wants to collect the bounty on us for a means to an end."

"Or it could be one of her mischievous pranks. I'm pretty sure it is, anyway." Karin said, opening the letter to go over it again. But the words changed.

_What do you mean, _'I'm pretty sure'_? Hm? The all-mighty Hokage._

"OH MY GOD!" Karin jumped back, dropping the note. "Can she _hear_ us?"

"Hn," Sasuke said, actually speaking for the very first time throughout this whole conversation. "We aren't doing anything worthwhile anyway. If it _is_ an attempt to collect a bounty, we can just have fun killing the ANBU."

"So we're _going_?"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Team Hebi were the first to get to the meeting place. Snow covered the whole place, and no one else was there.

"Somehow, I got a _bad_ feeling about this…" Karin sighed.

And then there was someone—two, actually—poofing out of a smokescreen. "Yo!" Anko and Kakashi appeared.

"Hey, what _is_ this?" Suigetsu asked. "Calling us here for no good reason!"

"Hey, don't yell at me," Kakashi said, reading his book at the same time. From his backpack, he took out a video camera. "I'm just on the Hokage's orders to record this whole get-together."

"_What_?"

"So, let's see who we have here." Anko said, taking out a list and checking off some names as she went. "We got all of Team Hebi: Suigetsu, Juugo, Karin and their _bastard_-of-a-leader, Uchiha Sasuke!"

"Hn! Don't talk as if you know me." Sasuke said coldly to the woman.

"Did the Hokage ask you to come here, too?" Juugo asked.

"She sure did!" Anko chuckled.

_What's with _her_ attitude? _Sasuke thought.

"Oy! Teme!" was heard from a distance.

"Oh, no…" Sasuke groaned, almost as if he feared for his life. "Please don't tell me—"

And suddenly, there was a flash of yellow, and Sasuke went falling towards the ground. Naruto had just pounced him.

"TEME!" the ramen-loving fool screamed in the Uchiha's ear. "YOU'RE BACK!"

"_Yes_, dobe, I'm back. Now get _off_." Sasuke said as he kicked his ex-teammate off of him.

Karin groaned. "I can't _believe_ I had to come to this place…"

"_Anoo_ . . . Gomennasai…" a soft kind voice said. "We didn't mean to trouble you… We didn't know that this would be such an inconvenience…"

"There's no need to apologize, Hinata! They came anyway!" another voice said.

Everyone turned to their left.

"Ah! Hinata-chan! And Ino, too!" Naruto chuckled, walking over to the Hyuga and Ino. "You two are here, too, huh? _Wow_, I guess Sakura has a whole lot of things planned out, huh?"

"_Sakura_?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, she's the one who told us to come." Naruto answered. "Hinata and I were at Ichiraku when she came. I told her no, but then she threatened to tell Tsunade-sama, and I don't want to get on the old lady's nerves. She's _scary_…"

Everyone nodded in agreement then.

"All right! Looks like everyone's here!" a cheery little voice said.

Everyone looked around the training grounds, and on a high mount was the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Oy, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled (since Sakura was on a very high mount). "What are you planning to do? Getting all of us together today!"

"Good question," Sakura said, smugly. "To be blunt, it's a snowball fight~!"

"_HUH_?"

It was all awkward silence until . . . Ino skipped all the way over to the mount, jumped on it, and hugged her best friend.

"Yay! A snowball fight, yay!"—the girls high-fived—"For _once_, you came up with a really good idea!"

"Are you saying all of my ideas are _always_ bad?" Sakura asked.

"_Aw_! But I don't _want_ to!" Naruto whined. "I have a bowl of ramen waiting for me, so I'll just be going then! Besides, I'm too _old_ for a snowball fight anyways…"

"Oh, come on!" Sakura said. "It doesn't matter how old you are! You can still have a snowball fight! Besides, some things are fun _because_ you're an adult!"

"Oro?" Naruto asked. "Then you mean this can lead up to some _'adult play'_?"

"Hell _no_, Naruto! Geez, you're just like Kakashi-sensei (to this, Kakashi said "_Hey_!") and Jiraiya-sama! A—big—_pervert_!"

"Hey! Well, just for that, I'm _not_ going to play!" Naruto fumed.

"Childish…"

"HEY, I HEARD THAT, SASUKE-TEME!" And then Naruto made his way to leave. "If you people want to do it then be my guest! _I'm_ going home!" And he continued to walk off, hoping that the others would follow him, but…

"Sounds like fun!" Suigetsu said.

"_NANI_?" Naruto screamed, running back. "You're not actually _serious_, are you? Come on! Hey, Sasuke, back me up here!"

"Hn, you've _seen_ Sakura and Tsunade at their maddest." Sasuke said. "I'm _not_ getting on their bad side."

"Well, then some rouge ninja you are. . ." Naruto said, turning to Juugo. "What about _you_? Surely, you're not going to—"

And then Juugo held out his hands which had gloves on.

"AW! NOT YOU, TOO!" Naruto screamed, upset that he was losing. "Are you _all_ ready for it? And besides, your gloves are super _weird_!"

Hinata was troubled then. "I had two pairs," she said quietly. "So I let him borrow one… But I guess they're not cute, huh?"

Naruto felt bad then. "_Of course_, they're cute, Hinata-chan! What I meant to say was that they're _totally_, _completely_, and _faultlessly_ cute! It's just that the person who's wearing them is a bit problematic! That's all!"

"_Problematic_?" Juugo asked, going into a depression.

Karin sighed. "Well, what do you say, Hyuga?" she asked Hinata. "It's a snowball fight. Should we just go?"

"Huh? Well, I . . . _anoo_ . . . I . . ." Hinata didn't know how to answer. She wanted to stay, but if Karin didn't then…

The redhead sighed again. "Fine then. Since I've come all this way, I'm going to stick around."

Hinata mentally yelled out, "Yay!"

"Arrgh! Jeez, Sakura, you _can't_ be serious!" Naruto yelled.

"Well, of course, I am!" Sakura replied haughtily. "I mean, Tsunade-shisou has even prepared a prize for the winner." And almost like magic, she took out a huge box. She and Ino jumped off the mount and placed the box there. "A treasure box that gives you _anything_ you wish for! Well . . . except for the dead, of course…"

"_Anything_?" Naruto asked.

"However, only the winner can open it."

"That's one unreasonable condition!" Naruto complained.

"Well, suck it up!" Sakura yelled back.

"Fine!" Naruto _hmp_ed. _I'll make sure I'll win! I'm going to get something out of that box that will prevent Sakura from _ever_ having her way ever again!_

"Now, you guys, make a snowman in _any_ shape that you want!" Sakura said, snow-skating around the group.

"Eh? _Snowman_?" Naruto asked, a bit confused. "I thought it was supposed to be a snow_ball_ fight."

"Stop babbling and make one! I'll explain later!" the pink-haired girl smiled darkly, leaving everyone confused.

_Her facial expression and her line don't correspond with each other at all…_ they all thought.

And so, while everyone else was making their snowman, Sasuke went over to have a talk with his ex-teammate.

"What do you _want_, Sasuke-kun?" the kunoichi asked. "Can't you see that I'm busy watching all the players?"

"What exactly are you planning?"

"Well, that's simple." Sakura giggled. "This is just a way to get everyone together and have fun—it was Tsunade-shisou's idea, you know. And in the end, you and I will be _very_ amused with the outcome."

"_Amused_? How so?"

"All in good time, Uchiha. All in good time."

"Hn…"

"Just remember that _during_ the actual snowball fight." And Sakura stood up from her seat and was about to walk off. "Oh, and thank you for staying."

"Hn…"

Sakura giggled again and kissed the bastard on the cheek. "Thanks again."

"All right! It's done!" Naruto yelled.

Everyone looked in his direction and were fairly surprised by the snowman he made.

"That's not a snowman," Sasuke stated.

"It's a snow-_fox_." Sakura finished.

"What's wrong with _that_?" Naruto asked. "Did you _see_ Juugo and Suigetsu's?"

And so everyone turned to see a huge snowball on top of a garbage can with arms and legs made out of ice.

"There's _no way_ I'd call _that_ a snowman!" Naruto added and then his voice turned sweet. "On the other hand, Hinata-chan, yours is _so_ cute! It's a Pegasus!"

"Ari . . . Arigato…" Hinata said, blushing red.

"You should keep your words of praise until you take a look at mine!" And next to Karin were two full-length snow-ogres that looked surprisingly real.

"_Wow_!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Th-that's a little too full-blown…" Naruto said.

"Wanna see mine, too?" Ino asked, way too complacently. And her snowman was…

"_HUGE_!" Naruto yelled.

And indeed, it was. It was practically a whole story high!

"Ta-da! Its name is Chibi-Ino big-sized!"

"_'Big'_ is an understatement." Sasuke whispered to Sakura who giggled.

The kunoichi clapped her hands. "_Minna_!" she said. "So everyone's finished! Now we're going to start the snowball fight everyone's been waiting for! The rule is rather complicated, so listen closely! Use your snowman to throw snowballs at each other! That's all!"

"That's _it_?" Naruto asked as Juugo and Suigetsu's snowman walked in front of the group next to Naruto's snow-fox. "Wait a minute! What do you mean by that rule? _'Use your snowman to throw snowballs'_?" (Apparently, Naruto's blind!)

The weird-looking snowman picked up some snow, rolled it into a ball, and aimed it at the snow-fox. And Naruto screamed like a little girl.

"_That's_ what she meant." Suigetsu said, answering the dobe's question.

"Hey, you made a false start!" Naruto yelled.

"Look at you!" Ino teased. "Lost before the game even started! And now you're a sore loser!"

"But more importantly, why is a snowman walking on its own?" Naruto screamed. "It's just a block of snow, isn't it! As far as its composition goes, it's just H2O, isn't it?"

"There are a lot of trifling theories," Sakura said, shaking her head. "But they're all a pain in the butt, so I'll just give you the easiest one! It's because of Tsunade-shisou's mystical powers!"

And that left everyone going, "_HUH_?"

Sakura sighed. "Jutsu! Jutsu! Do I _have_ to spell it out for your guys? Jeez… And you all came so highly recommended…"

"_HUH_?"

"It's a line from _Pocahontas_… But anyway, let the fight begin! Get your game on[1]!" She blew a whistle and suddenly it was every man (and girl) for him/herself.

"Hey, stop stealing people's lines!" Karin and Naruto said but were ignored.

"All right!" Ino cheered as she jumped into her snowman's control room. (Yes, her snowman is like a robot! Don't complain!) "It's time to activate Chibi-Ino big-sized! Chibi-me, stage on[2]!"

"NOT YOU, _TOO_!" the party-poopers yelled.

"But oh well…" Naruto shrugged. "I guess it doesn't concern me since I _already_ lost. Good luck, everyone."

"Oh no, you don't!" Ino yelled, mobbing one of her snowman's controls.

"_YAAAAAAAAAAA_!" Chibi-Ino big-sized cried as it came to life. And it stumbled after Naruto.

"Huh? What? _Nani_?" Naruto asked as he began to pick up the pace. "But my snowman _already_ lost!"

"I'm going to settle an old score!" Ino said, pushing one of her snowman's buttons. She then laughed evilly.

"Wow, she's _really_ getting into this, isn't she?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura nodded. "It's called the magic of imagination!"

"_Uh-huh_…" Sasuke didn't believe her.

"Actually…" Ino said, changing her target. "I want to test something out…"—her snowman turned towards Sasuke and took aim—"Let's see if the chicken-ass-hairdo-person is hot enough to melt the snow! Chibi-me, _GO_!" And the snowman threw a _HUGE_ snowball.

"Oh, shit…" Sasuke said as he picked up Sakura bridal-style and jumped out of the _HUGE_ snowball's way. But just when Sasuke thought they were safe, Chibi-Ino big-sized began to punch the tree they were on. (Ino's evil laughter could still be heard in the background.)

"I thought they could only throw _snowballs_, not punches." he said to the kunoichi resting in his arms.

"Well, technically, she's not breaking the rule." Sakura said. "The snowman, regardless of anything, is made out of snow. And Ino herself is not throwing the punches; her snowman-self is."

Sasuke scoffed. "Annoying…"

"_EXCUSEZ-MOI_!" Sakura shrieked. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME—"

"I wasn't talking about _you_!"

"Oh," Sakura said, forgetting about her anger. "Then carry on."

"Hn." And then Sasuke carried her off of the tree.

"You're not getting away that easily!" Ino said, chuckling darkly. She moved the controls again, but this time they snapped and broke. "Oops! I guess it really _is_ made out of snow after all…"

Chibi-Ino big-sized stumbled forward and crashed into the tree, but luckily Ino jumped out of her snowman-self before the collision and landed safely in the snow.

"Hmp, they were saved by Chibi-me's short legs…" she said arrogantly.

"That's not something you should be _bragging_ about!" Naruto yelled. "First of all, it _was_ modeled after _you_, wasn't it?"

"No, it's different." Ino said.

"Huh? _How_?" Naruto asked, not believing anything Ino said.

"Chibi-Ino big-sized,"—Ino pointed at the pile of snow—"and Yamanaka Ino"—she pointed at herself—"_See_? Different."

"That's difference in _size_!"

"Hey…" Suigetsu said.

"_Nani_?" Naruto screamed, he and Ino turning their attention at Juugo and Suigetsu's snowman which was all broken and in a million and one pieces.

"Do you call _that_ a loss?" Juugo asked.

"Ha!" Naruto laughed. "That'll show you! It's divine punishment! _PUNISHMENT_! Ha!"

"Huh? _Look_!" Hinata exclaimed, pointing to a small pile of snow. "It's moving!"

And out popped . . . Naruto's snow-fox!

"It must've dug a hole and hid in there." Juugo said.

"How petty…" Suigetsu added.

"What did you say?" Naruto asked. "I don't want to hear that from someone who made a false start!"

While Naruto was yelling at Suigetsu, his snow-fox ran off.

"Hey, wait a minute! Come back!" Naruto yelled, but his snow-fox continued to run off.

"Left in the face of the enemy, huh?" Suigetsu asked. "I guess it _is_ petty, after all."

"Hey!" Naruto yelled for his snow-fox. "At least, _fight_ a little!" And he went after it. But suddenly…

"You son of a bitch!" And _BAM!_

Naruto was sent flying and hit a tree. And a pile of snow fell on him!

Naruto looked up and saw…

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**Arigato = thank you**

**Hora = hey**

**Minna = everyone**

**Oro = huh?**

**Nani = what?**

**[1] = a line from the English translations of _Yu-Gi-Oh! GX_**

**[2] = a line from _Sailor Moon _used by the Sailor Starlights**

**The chapter shall be continued! Thank you for reading my story! Please review!**


	3. UNREASONABLE

Okay, so now that Naruto's got his shot, everything is back to normal: the ramen-loving idiot goes back to taking missions, Sakura goes back to peacefully working in the hospital, and Sasuke being the rouge ninja. But when Sakura becomes bored on a winter day, what happens after she watches XxxHolic? She shows it to Tsunade, of course! And she and Shizune come up with a plan to bring the Team 7 back together even though it's only for a day! [Cont]

* * *

**Yay! This is the continuation of the last chapter!**

* * *

Chapter Three

UNREASONABLE

Naruto turned around to see…

"_WHAT_? NEJI! WHY ARE _YOU_ HERE? AND WHY DID YOU HIT ME IN THE HEAD?"

"You made her cry again, didn't you?" the Hyuga asked angrily.

"_Heh_?" Naruto looked around the training grounds. _Who the Hell is Neji talking about? _Then Naruto caught sight of Hinata's tear-filled eyes when she saw that Naruto's snow-fox had survived.

"Thank goodness…" Hinata said, wiping away a tear. "He hasn't lost yet…"

"_See_!" Neji asked. "You made her cry, you bastard!"

Tenten came out of the forest then, panting. "Neji, stop it!"

But the two guys ignored her.

"No, that's not true!" Naruto yelled.

"Are you calling me a _liar_?"

"No! I . . . I . . ."

"There's no excuse! Take your punishment like a _man_!" And Neji charged at the ramen-loving ninja who ran screaming, "_MOMMY_!"

"Anoo . . . should we help him?" Sakura asked Sasuke. "After all, he _is_ our teammate…"

"Nah, the dobe can take care of himself."

"_Okay_~!" Sakura said, hugging the Uchiha.

"TEME! HOW COULD YOU?" Naruto yelled. "AND I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING _SPECIAL_! HOW COULD YOU _FLIRT_ WITH SAKURA WHEN I'M IN _DANGER_?"

"Don't worry, dobe." Sasuke said. "But if you _were_ going to die, _I'd_ be the one chasing you."

"_TEME_!"

And Neji aimed his Byakugan whatever-power/jutsu.

Hinata gasped. "NO! It's not what you think! He didn't do _anything_!"

But Neji kept hitting Naruto repeatedly.

"_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!" Naruto yelped in pain. "_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!"

"Anoo . . . should we help him _now_?" Sakura asked.

"Just watch, Sakura." Sasuke said. "Sometimes life imitates movies."

"Neji, _yamero_!" Hinata pleaded with her cousin. "Please stop it!"

So when Neji was about to land the final blow . . . Hinata's snow-Pegasus jumped in the way, and Neji hit it. (Ouch! That's _gotta_ hurt! Oh, wait . . . it's snow! How could it hurt?)

Everyone looked on with awe.

"_See_?" Tenten asked, helping Neji out of the snowman. "I told you to stop, but did you listen? _No_! See what happens when you don't listen to me, _hm_?"

"I'll get that ramen-loving bastard if it's the last thing I do…" Neji said before fainting from the cold.

"Gomennasai," Hinata apologized to Naruto. "It was my fault that Neji went after you."

Naruto shook his head. "No, I should thank _you_ for saving me."

Hinata blushed then.

"_Wonderful_! _Wonderful_!" Kakashi exclaimed as Anko clapped. "Now get closer together!"

That made Hinata blush even more.

"_Aw_! It's so _cute_!" Sakura and Ino squealed.

"_See_?" Sasuke asked. "I told you not to interfere."

"Fine… I guess you were right _this_ time, Sasuke-kun…" Sakura said. "But who _knew_ you knew about romantic stuff?"

"Just because I spent three years with Orochi-bastard doesn't mean I don't have any common sense."

"_Yeah_… Just keep telling yourself that…" Sakura said, waving her hand around.

"Hey, what does _that_ mean?"

But we can't finish that conversation because…

_Bam!_

Suddenly, a snowball was thrown at Naruto.

"_HEY_! WHO DID THAT?" And the dobe turned around to see . . . his snow-fox, laughing in his face. "HEY! I'M NOT THE ONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THROWING AT!" And a little chase started. "Hey! Can't you show a _willingness_ to win?"

Sakura sighed.

"Hn, dou shita no?" Sasuke asked.

"Look at them, having all the fun!" the kunoichi sighed again. "And, on the other hand . . . I, the organizer, am feeling _completely_ left out…"

Naruto stopped in his tracks then and yelled in Sakura's ear. "DOES IT _LOOK_ LIKE"—the snow-fox threw another snowball at its creator—"WE'RE HAVING A LOT OF _FUN_?"

"Yes… But you know _what_?" Sakura asked. "The one who'll win in the end is _me_!"

"_Huh_?"

"Come forth, Yuki no Murakumo[1]! _Come here_!" Sakura called to something, almost evilly. She had an Orochimaru tone to her voice (but it wasn't _nearly_ as scary).

"Isn't she just an organizer?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke shrugged. "Don't defy the organizer," he said.

At that moment, a snow-robot came out of the forest then, carrying a snow-machine-gun!

"What the..?" everyone asked, seeing Sakura's evil grin. (Did I mention _evil_?)

"Looks like we got one with a little mettle now, huh?" Karin asked, challenging the snow-robot to a battle with her snow-ogres. "But in the end, it's no match for me!"

"I'm not so sure about _that_!" Sakura said with an evil look in her eyes. "Yuki no Murakumo, _snow-dori_!"

Everyone was like, "_WHAT_?" as the snow-robot moved in the way that Sasuke would if he was using his Chidori.

"Anoo . . . Sakura, is he modeled after _Sasuke_?" Anko asked.

"Just watch!" Sakura said as her snow-robot destroyed one of Karin's snow-ogres. "Now, Yuki no Murakumo! _Snow-sengan_!" And her snow-robot made a snow in the way that Naruto would make his Rasengan.

But Karin's last snow-ogre wouldn't break.

"_Che_!" Sakura scoffed. "Not bad! But can he stand"—her snow-robot readied his snow-gun—"Yuki Fubuki[2]?"

And the snow-machine-gun kept shooting out snowballs at a quicker pace than you can walk one inch. But the snow-ogre dodged the attack and punched Yuki no Murakumo who took out a shield. And then Yuki no Murakumo stabbed the snow-ogre with a snow-sword!

"A cruel and atrocious snow fight…" Juugo commented.

"_Uh-huh_…" everyone agreed as Yuki no Murakumo kept shooting its snow-bullets.

"How can that snowman make so many snowballs?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe because of _that_…" Sasuke said, pointing to a tube that connected to the snow-gun. It was a long tube that went all the way to the Hokage mansion where _Bigfoot_ was! Just kidding! The tube connected the snow-gun to a machine, and Tsunade and Shizune kept throwing in perfectly made snowballs.

"That's _right_!" Sakura boasted. "My secret weapons—Tsunade-shisou and Shizune-neechan's backup aide! I call it _Human-Wave Tactics_!"

"That's _foul_!" Naruto yelled. "Not to mention that your tactics and plan are overlapping!"

But at that point, Karin's last snowman exploded.

"_Yippee_!" Sakura cheered. "Looks like I won! What's left _is_…"

And everyone turned to see Hinata running after her Pegasus. "_Matte_! Hey, where are you going?"

"She has no chance," Juugo bluntly stated to which everyone nodded their heads.

"_Hinata-chan_!" Naruto cried out in warning to the unknowing Hyuga girl.

"_Oro_?" Hinata asked as she and her Pegasus turned towards the knucklehead's direction.

"Get away from your snowman _now_!" Naruto screamed as Yuki no Murakumo readied its gun.

Sakura laughed evilly. "Now finish it off!" And as her snow-robot fired its gun, the kunoichi went off in a daze. "I've always wanted to say that line~!"

"A ringleader of a three-person group this time, huh?" Sasuke asked. "She's grown…"

"What are you talking about, Teme?" Naruto asked. "And why are you lounging around anyway? Shouldn't _you_ be doing something?"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Meanwhile, back at the Hokage mansion, Tsunade and Shizune just sat around, watching the snowball machine.

Shizune sighed. "I wonder how Sakura's doing right now…"

"Well, judging from what we see, don't you think she's most certainly kicking many people's asses out there?"

"Hm-mh," Shizune nodded her head.

"Now, chop, chop!" Tsunade said, handing the shovel to her assistance. "She'll need more snowballs."

"But I'm taking my break."

"But I'm your master, and I'm telling _you_ to do it, so do it!"

"If you want it done, do it yourself!"

"_Shizune_!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Back at the snowball fight, the . . . err, _unexpected_ happened.

"Go, Pegasus!" Hinata cheered her snowman on.

Pegasus was eating all of Yuki no Murakumo's snow-ammo! (I guess horses _do_ eat a lot!) And it was growing with each snowball it ate.

"_Huh_?" everyone asked.

"Wow, Pegasus, you're so amazing!" Hinata praised it.

"It may be getting close to its limit," Ino suggested.

"You're right…" Naruto said, prying his eyes away from the fight. But at that moment, he caught sight of his cowardly snow-fox. And so, as snow-Pegasus grew bigger and bigger, Naruto quietly tip-toed over to his snow-fox.

However, by that time, Pegasus had grown too big and…

_Ka-boom!_

It exploded.

"Oh, boy… It lost," Hinata said a bit sadly. "But it was _fun_!"

"Well, I guess it's decided that _I'm_ the winner." Sakura said.

"Hold on a second!" came the yell of who other than Uzumaki Naruto. (It's just like him to challenge the winner, isn't it?)

"What _now_, ya party-pooper?" Sakura asked a bit irritated.

"I'm still in," was Naruto's blunt answer.

"You don't give up, do you?" Karin asked, crossing her arms.

"Were you hiding again?" Juugo asked.

"How petty…" Suigetsu added.

"You, over there!" Naruto said, pointing at the swordsman. "Stop saying _petty_!"

"I'd like to strike back, but look at what's he's got." Sasuke said.

"G-g-good luck, Naruto-kun." Hinata blushed again.

Naruto knelt down besides his **coughscoughs** pathetic excuse for a **coughscoughs** snowman/fox. "All right, you just hang in there." He stood up. "Sakura-chan, this is a one-on-one duel!"

"As you wish!" Sakura yelled back.

"_Duel_?" Anko asked. "It's hardly an even match!"

"Well, Naruto always comes up with _something_ surprising," Kakashi said. "Maybe something will happen."

"I _doubt_ it…" Tenten said, shaking her head.

And for a while, the challengers just stared each other down. Silence and suspense (yeah, hardly) was in the air.

"Yuki no Murakumo darling," Sakura said to her snowman. "It's time to finish this battle! In the name of my pride and everything I live for, punish that _thing_[3]!"

"What was _that_?" Naruto asked. "Stealing another line again! Well, actually, I know what she was talking about this time…" And then he realized that the battle was starting. "Go! Anoo . . ."—he tried to think of a good name for his snow-fox—"Fox! Go!"

But the fox didn't move.

"_Oy_! Fox! I told you to go! _Fight_! Do _something_!"

But Naruto's pleads were useless because the fox didn't even move a muscle.

"Hey! That robot-_thing_ is gonna get you! Oy! Do _something_!"

Still, the fox didn't move.

"Fine, at least, run away or _something_!"

But still, the fox stayed in place as the snow-robot came closer and closer.

"You were running around like crazy just a second ago! How much of a contrary fellow are you?"

At that moment, Yuki no Murakumo was right in front of Naruto and his snow-fox. The robot pointed its gun and aimed.

"I'M DONE FOR!" Naruto screamed.

But when Yuki no Murakumo started to shoot, no snowballs came out of its gun to everyone's surprise.

"Maybe Naruto _does_ have a chance, after all…" Sasuke said.

Meanwhile, Sakura wasn't all that happy. "_Ugh_! Just what are Tsunade-shisou and Shizune-neechan _doing_?" she growled. "They're suppposed to be _helping_ me, not embarrass me!

Naruto started laughing. "Ha-ha-ha!" he laughed. "Finally, no more snowballs! Ha-ha! You can't do _anything_ without a shooting weapon! Ha-ha!" He stuck his tongue out.

But at that moment, Sakura just happened to look down at the ground and saw that she was stepping on the tube that connected to her snowman's gun, stopping the snowballs. Her evil grin returned.

"_Dou shita no_?" Naruto asked the robot, standing right next to it and teasing it as it tried to find out what was wrong with its weapon. "Go ahead and shoot!"

Sakura picked up her foot and the snowballs moved through the tube with ease. Victory was in sight! But then . . . the stupid robot took out the tube and pointed it at its face, trying to see if there was a hole or not. And then . . .

_Boom!_

When the snowballs hit the robot, its head exploded and halfway froze Naruto into an ice sculpture. Then the robot's headless body fell on top of the knucklehead.

"Did I just . . . win?" Naruto asked.

"He won?" Juugo and Suigetsu asked.

"He _won_?" Karin and Anko asked.

"_He_ won?" Sasuke and Kakashi asked.

"_He won_?" Tenten and Ino asked.

"He won!" Hinata exclaimed happily.

"He won…" Sakura cried, hanging her head in shame.

"Awesome, Naruto-kun! You're a winner!" Hinata said.

"I would hardly call it a _win_," Karin said. "You were saved by your opponent's mistake."

"How petty…" Suigetsu added.

"But I still _won_, didn't I?" Naruto asked, yelling again.

Sakura sighed. "I guess it can't be helped. Fine, I admit my loss."

"_Yippee_! I won! _I won_! I WON! _Hooray_! Take that, ya fools! I'm glad that I've lived as long as I've lived! After all, you should never give up until the last moment!"

Sakura sighed again. "It's all finished," she said as she gracefully leaped over to the Uchiha and leaned against his chest. "Thank God… I was getting tired." And she was about to fall asleep when…

"Just hold on a minute, you!" Naruto yelled. "Will you stop looking so emotionless about this whole thing as soon as you lost? Shouldn't you be _happy_ for me?"

"Sure, sure…" Sakura said, waving her hand dismissingly. "Good job, Naruto… Good job… Wonderful job…"

"I thought you said I'd be _amused_ with the outcome," Sasuke whispered to the pink kunoichi.

"_Shh_! It's not completely over _yet_." Sakura told him as Naruto ran over to the prize box.

"I can get _anything_ I wish for, right?" Naruto asked, getting ready to open his prize. "So what should I wish for?"

"Hey, by the way! Naruto!" Sakura called to her teammate. "What are we having for dinner?"

"_Huh_?" Naruto asked as he opened the box. "Anoo . . . I haven't thought of that yet…" And when he opened the box, there was a big cooking pot, leaving Naruto completely confused. "Huh? _What_? What's _this_!"

"Well…" Sakura started to explain. "Since we were talking about dinner, your focus must've gotten shifted to the subject."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Naruto asked angrily.

"Why don't we have a hotpot party while we're out here tonight?" Sakura suggested. "Tsunade-shisou figured something like this might've happened, so…" She snapped her fingers.

Out of the forest came Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, Asuma, Kurenai, and Sai who were carrying bags of food.

"Jeez, these are heavy…" Shikamaru complained.

"And Shizune figured out happened like _this_ would happen, so…" Sakura snapped her fingers again.

And out of nowhere, Yamato, Tsunade, Shizune, and the rest of Konoha 11 appeared, and they made a huge igloo.

"Come on, everyone! Get inside!" Sakura said. "Naruto's cooking for us! And he's definitely _not_ making ramen _tonight_!"

Everyone cheered.

"Sakura! It sounds like you and Tsunade and Shizune had everything planned out already!" Naruto yelled, sensing a conspiracy. "You all prepared for this, didn't you? You all must've plotted this whole thing! How could you? You planned this whole entire thing just to torture the future Hokage, didn't you?"

"Future Hokage this, future Hokage that," Ino said, uncaringly. "You should just stick to the present for now."

"Yeah, always enjoy the present, Naruto." Kakashi said.

"So _this_ is what you meant?" Sasuke asked the pink-haired kunoichi. "You know, Sakura, I think you're becoming less and less annoying."

"_Arigato_!" the cherry blossom giggled. "After all, with you gone, _someone_ had to torture the dobe."

Naruto sighed, giving up. "I guess this is how it _always_ turns out, huh? Me, getting the bad end of things, _huh_?"

✿°. ·∴终わる∴· .°✿

* * *

**Dou shita no = what's wrong; what's the matter?**

**Gomennasai = sorry**

**Matte = wait!**

**Neechan = older sister; a girl friend who is older than you**

**Itai = ow; ouch!**

**Yamero = stop it!**

**[1] = based on a mecha, Ame no Murakumo, in _Kannazuki no Miko_; I changed it to Yuki no Murakumo because Yuki means snow**

**[2] = based on Sakura's Sakura Fubuki in Movie 1 of _Naruto_**

**[3] = in _Sailor Moon_, the Sailor Scouts all have a battle line that goes along that lines of "_In the name of the Moon/Mercury/Mars/Jupiter/etc., I'll punish you!_"**

**Yeah! It's finished! Peoples, if you have any ideas for me to do, please tell me in your review!**

Okay, so now that Naruto's got his shot, everything is back to normal: the ramen-loving idiot goes back to taking missions, Sakura goes back to peacefully working in the hospital, and Sasuke being the rouge ninja. But when Sakura becomes bored on a winter day, what happens after she watches XxxHolic? She shows it to Tsunade, of course! And she and Shizune come up with a plan to bring the Team 7 back together even though it's only for a day! [Cont]

* * *

**Yay! This is the continuation of the last chapter!**

* * *

Chapter Three

UNREASONABLE

Naruto turned around to see…

"_WHAT_? NEJI! WHY ARE _YOU_ HERE? AND WHY DID YOU HIT ME IN THE HEAD?"

"You made her cry again, didn't you?" the Hyuga asked angrily.

"_Heh_?" Naruto looked around the training grounds. _Who the Hell is Neji talking about? _Then Naruto caught sight of Hinata's tear-filled eyes when she saw that Naruto's snow-fox had survived.

"Thank goodness…" Hinata said, wiping away a tear. "He hasn't lost yet…"

"_See_!" Neji asked. "You made her cry, you bastard!"

Tenten came out of the forest then, panting. "Neji, stop it!"

But the two guys ignored her.

"No, that's not true!" Naruto yelled.

"Are you calling me a _liar_?"

"No! I . . . I . . ."

"There's no excuse! Take your punishment like a _man_!" And Neji charged at the ramen-loving ninja who ran screaming, "_MOMMY_!"

"Anoo . . . should we help him?" Sakura asked Sasuke. "After all, he _is_ our teammate…"

"Nah, the dobe can take care of himself."

"_Okay_~!" Sakura said, hugging the Uchiha.

"TEME! HOW COULD YOU?" Naruto yelled. "AND I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING _SPECIAL_! HOW COULD YOU _FLIRT_ WITH SAKURA WHEN I'M IN _DANGER_?"

"Don't worry, dobe." Sasuke said. "But if you _were_ going to die, _I'd_ be the one chasing you."

"_TEME_!"

And Neji aimed his Byakugan whatever-power/jutsu.

Hinata gasped. "NO! It's not what you think! He didn't do _anything_!"

But Neji kept hitting Naruto repeatedly.

"_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!" Naruto yelped in pain. "_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!"

"Anoo . . . should we help him _now_?" Sakura asked.

"Just watch, Sakura." Sasuke said. "Sometimes life imitates movies."

"Neji, _yamero_!" Hinata pleaded with her cousin. "Please stop it!"

So when Neji was about to land the final blow . . . Hinata's snow-Pegasus jumped in the way, and Neji hit it. (Ouch! That's _gotta_ hurt! Oh, wait . . . it's snow! How could it hurt?)

Everyone looked on with awe.

"_See_?" Tenten asked, helping Neji out of the snowman. "I told you to stop, but did you listen? _No_! See what happens when you don't listen to me, _hm_?"

"I'll get that ramen-loving bastard if it's the last thing I do…" Neji said before fainting from the cold.

"Gomennasai," Hinata apologized to Naruto. "It was my fault that Neji went after you."

Naruto shook his head. "No, I should thank _you_ for saving me."

Hinata blushed then.

"_Wonderful_! _Wonderful_!" Kakashi exclaimed as Anko clapped. "Now get closer together!"

That made Hinata blush even more.

"_Aw_! It's so _cute_!" Sakura and Ino squealed.

"_See_?" Sasuke asked. "I told you not to interfere."

"Fine… I guess you were right _this_ time, Sasuke-kun…" Sakura said. "But who _knew_ you knew about romantic stuff?"

"Just because I spent three years with Orochi-bastard doesn't mean I don't have any common sense."

"_Yeah_… Just keep telling yourself that…" Sakura said, waving her hand around.

"Hey, what does _that_ mean?"

But we can't finish that conversation because…

_Bam!_

Suddenly, a snowball was thrown at Naruto.

"_HEY_! WHO DID THAT?" And the dobe turned around to see . . . his snow-fox, laughing in his face. "HEY! I'M NOT THE ONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THROWING AT!" And a little chase started. "Hey! Can't you show a _willingness_ to win?"

Sakura sighed.

"Hn, dou shita no?" Sasuke asked.

"Look at them, having all the fun!" the kunoichi sighed again. "And, on the other hand . . . I, the organizer, am feeling _completely_ left out…"

Naruto stopped in his tracks then and yelled in Sakura's ear. "DOES IT _LOOK_ LIKE"—the snow-fox threw another snowball at its creator—"WE'RE HAVING A LOT OF _FUN_?"

"Yes… But you know _what_?" Sakura asked. "The one who'll win in the end is _me_!"

"_Huh_?"

"Come forth, Yuki no Murakumo[1]! _Come here_!" Sakura called to something, almost evilly. She had an Orochimaru tone to her voice (but it wasn't _nearly_ as scary).

"Isn't she just an organizer?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke shrugged. "Don't defy the organizer," he said.

At that moment, a snow-robot came out of the forest then, carrying a snow-machine-gun!

"What the..?" everyone asked, seeing Sakura's evil grin. (Did I mention _evil_?)

"Looks like we got one with a little mettle now, huh?" Karin asked, challenging the snow-robot to a battle with her snow-ogres. "But in the end, it's no match for me!"

"I'm not so sure about _that_!" Sakura said with an evil look in her eyes. "Yuki no Murakumo, _snow-dori_!"

Everyone was like, "_WHAT_?" as the snow-robot moved in the way that Sasuke would if he was using his Chidori.

"Anoo . . . Sakura, is he modeled after _Sasuke_?" Anko asked.

"Just watch!" Sakura said as her snow-robot destroyed one of Karin's snow-ogres. "Now, Yuki no Murakumo! _Snow-sengan_!" And her snow-robot made a snow in the way that Naruto would make his Rasengan.

But Karin's last snow-ogre wouldn't break.

"_Che_!" Sakura scoffed. "Not bad! But can he stand"—her snow-robot readied his snow-gun—"Yuki Fubuki[2]?"

And the snow-machine-gun kept shooting out snowballs at a quicker pace than you can walk one inch. But the snow-ogre dodged the attack and punched Yuki no Murakumo who took out a shield. And then Yuki no Murakumo stabbed the snow-ogre with a snow-sword!

"A cruel and atrocious snow fight…" Juugo commented.

"_Uh-huh_…" everyone agreed as Yuki no Murakumo kept shooting its snow-bullets.

"How can that snowman make so many snowballs?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe because of _that_…" Sasuke said, pointing to a tube that connected to the snow-gun. It was a long tube that went all the way to the Hokage mansion where _Bigfoot_ was! Just kidding! The tube connected the snow-gun to a machine, and Tsunade and Shizune kept throwing in perfectly made snowballs.

"That's _right_!" Sakura boasted. "My secret weapons—Tsunade-shisou and Shizune-neechan's backup aide! I call it _Human-Wave Tactics_!"

"That's _foul_!" Naruto yelled. "Not to mention that your tactics and plan are overlapping!"

But at that point, Karin's last snowman exploded.

"_Yippee_!" Sakura cheered. "Looks like I won! What's left _is_…"

And everyone turned to see Hinata running after her Pegasus. "_Matte_! Hey, where are you going?"

"She has no chance," Juugo bluntly stated to which everyone nodded their heads.

"_Hinata-chan_!" Naruto cried out in warning to the unknowing Hyuga girl.

"_Oro_?" Hinata asked as she and her Pegasus turned towards the knucklehead's direction.

"Get away from your snowman _now_!" Naruto screamed as Yuki no Murakumo readied its gun.

Sakura laughed evilly. "Now finish it off!" And as her snow-robot fired its gun, the kunoichi went off in a daze. "I've always wanted to say that line~!"

"A ringleader of a three-person group this time, huh?" Sasuke asked. "She's grown…"

"What are you talking about, Teme?" Naruto asked. "And why are you lounging around anyway? Shouldn't _you_ be doing something?"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Meanwhile, back at the Hokage mansion, Tsunade and Shizune just sat around, watching the snowball machine.

Shizune sighed. "I wonder how Sakura's doing right now…"

"Well, judging from what we see, don't you think she's most certainly kicking many people's asses out there?"

"Hm-mh," Shizune nodded her head.

"Now, chop, chop!" Tsunade said, handing the shovel to her assistance. "She'll need more snowballs."

"But I'm taking my break."

"But I'm your master, and I'm telling _you_ to do it, so do it!"

"If you want it done, do it yourself!"

"_Shizune_!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Back at the snowball fight, the . . . err, _unexpected_ happened.

"Go, Pegasus!" Hinata cheered her snowman on.

Pegasus was eating all of Yuki no Murakumo's snow-ammo! (I guess horses _do_ eat a lot!) And it was growing with each snowball it ate.

"_Huh_?" everyone asked.

"Wow, Pegasus, you're so amazing!" Hinata praised it.

"It may be getting close to its limit," Ino suggested.

"You're right…" Naruto said, prying his eyes away from the fight. But at that moment, he caught sight of his cowardly snow-fox. And so, as snow-Pegasus grew bigger and bigger, Naruto quietly tip-toed over to his snow-fox.

However, by that time, Pegasus had grown too big and…

_Ka-boom!_

It exploded.

"Oh, boy… It lost," Hinata said a bit sadly. "But it was _fun_!"

"Well, I guess it's decided that _I'm_ the winner." Sakura said.

"Hold on a second!" came the yell of who other than Uzumaki Naruto. (It's just like him to challenge the winner, isn't it?)

"What _now_, ya party-pooper?" Sakura asked a bit irritated.

"I'm still in," was Naruto's blunt answer.

"You don't give up, do you?" Karin asked, crossing her arms.

"Were you hiding again?" Juugo asked.

"How petty…" Suigetsu added.

"You, over there!" Naruto said, pointing at the swordsman. "Stop saying _petty_!"

"I'd like to strike back, but look at what's he's got." Sasuke said.

"G-g-good luck, Naruto-kun." Hinata blushed again.

Naruto knelt down besides his **coughscoughs** pathetic excuse for a **coughscoughs** snowman/fox. "All right, you just hang in there." He stood up. "Sakura-chan, this is a one-on-one duel!"

"As you wish!" Sakura yelled back.

"_Duel_?" Anko asked. "It's hardly an even match!"

"Well, Naruto always comes up with _something_ surprising," Kakashi said. "Maybe something will happen."

"I _doubt_ it…" Tenten said, shaking her head.

And for a while, the challengers just stared each other down. Silence and suspense (yeah, hardly) was in the air.

"Yuki no Murakumo darling," Sakura said to her snowman. "It's time to finish this battle! In the name of my pride and everything I live for, punish that _thing_[3]!"

"What was _that_?" Naruto asked. "Stealing another line again! Well, actually, I know what she was talking about this time…" And then he realized that the battle was starting. "Go! Anoo . . ."—he tried to think of a good name for his snow-fox—"Fox! Go!"

But the fox didn't move.

"_Oy_! Fox! I told you to go! _Fight_! Do _something_!"

But Naruto's pleads were useless because the fox didn't even move a muscle.

"Hey! That robot-_thing_ is gonna get you! Oy! Do _something_!"

Still, the fox didn't move.

"Fine, at least, run away or _something_!"

But still, the fox stayed in place as the snow-robot came closer and closer.

"You were running around like crazy just a second ago! How much of a contrary fellow are you?"

At that moment, Yuki no Murakumo was right in front of Naruto and his snow-fox. The robot pointed its gun and aimed.

"I'M DONE FOR!" Naruto screamed.

But when Yuki no Murakumo started to shoot, no snowballs came out of its gun to everyone's surprise.

"Maybe Naruto _does_ have a chance, after all…" Sasuke said.

Meanwhile, Sakura wasn't all that happy. "_Ugh_! Just what are Tsunade-shisou and Shizune-neechan _doing_?" she growled. "They're suppposed to be _helping_ me, not embarrass me!

Naruto started laughing. "Ha-ha-ha!" he laughed. "Finally, no more snowballs! Ha-ha! You can't do _anything_ without a shooting weapon! Ha-ha!" He stuck his tongue out.

But at that moment, Sakura just happened to look down at the ground and saw that she was stepping on the tube that connected to her snowman's gun, stopping the snowballs. Her evil grin returned.

"_Dou shita no_?" Naruto asked the robot, standing right next to it and teasing it as it tried to find out what was wrong with its weapon. "Go ahead and shoot!"

Sakura picked up her foot and the snowballs moved through the tube with ease. Victory was in sight! But then . . . the stupid robot took out the tube and pointed it at its face, trying to see if there was a hole or not. And then . . .

_Boom!_

When the snowballs hit the robot, its head exploded and halfway froze Naruto into an ice sculpture. Then the robot's headless body fell on top of the knucklehead.

"Did I just . . . win?" Naruto asked.

"He won?" Juugo and Suigetsu asked.

"He _won_?" Karin and Anko asked.

"_He_ won?" Sasuke and Kakashi asked.

"_He won_?" Tenten and Ino asked.

"He won!" Hinata exclaimed happily.

"He won…" Sakura cried, hanging her head in shame.

"Awesome, Naruto-kun! You're a winner!" Hinata said.

"I would hardly call it a _win_," Karin said. "You were saved by your opponent's mistake."

"How petty…" Suigetsu added.

"But I still _won_, didn't I?" Naruto asked, yelling again.

Sakura sighed. "I guess it can't be helped. Fine, I admit my loss."

"_Yippee_! I won! _I won_! I WON! _Hooray_! Take that, ya fools! I'm glad that I've lived as long as I've lived! After all, you should never give up until the last moment!"

Sakura sighed again. "It's all finished," she said as she gracefully leaped over to the Uchiha and leaned against his chest. "Thank God… I was getting tired." And she was about to fall asleep when…

"Just hold on a minute, you!" Naruto yelled. "Will you stop looking so emotionless about this whole thing as soon as you lost? Shouldn't you be _happy_ for me?"

"Sure, sure…" Sakura said, waving her hand dismissingly. "Good job, Naruto… Good job… Wonderful job…"

"I thought you said I'd be _amused_ with the outcome," Sasuke whispered to the pink kunoichi.

"_Shh_! It's not completely over _yet_." Sakura told him as Naruto ran over to the prize box.

"I can get _anything_ I wish for, right?" Naruto asked, getting ready to open his prize. "So what should I wish for?"

"Hey, by the way! Naruto!" Sakura called to her teammate. "What are we having for dinner?"

"_Huh_?" Naruto asked as he opened the box. "Anoo . . . I haven't thought of that yet…" And when he opened the box, there was a big cooking pot, leaving Naruto completely confused. "Huh? _What_? What's _this_!"

"Well…" Sakura started to explain. "Since we were talking about dinner, your focus must've gotten shifted to the subject."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Naruto asked angrily.

"Why don't we have a hotpot party while we're out here tonight?" Sakura suggested. "Tsunade-shisou figured something like this might've happened, so…" She snapped her fingers.

Out of the forest came Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, Asuma, Kurenai, and Sai who were carrying bags of food.

"Jeez, these are heavy…" Shikamaru complained.

"And Shizune figured out happened like _this_ would happen, so…" Sakura snapped her fingers again.

And out of nowhere, Yamato, Tsunade, Shizune, and the rest of Konoha 11 appeared, and they made a huge igloo.

"Come on, everyone! Get inside!" Sakura said. "Naruto's cooking for us! And he's definitely _not_ making ramen _tonight_!"

Everyone cheered.

"Sakura! It sounds like you and Tsunade and Shizune had everything planned out already!" Naruto yelled, sensing a conspiracy. "You all prepared for this, didn't you? You all must've plotted this whole thing! How could you? You planned this whole entire thing just to torture the future Hokage, didn't you?"

"Future Hokage this, future Hokage that," Ino said, uncaringly. "You should just stick to the present for now."

"Yeah, always enjoy the present, Naruto." Kakashi said.

"So _this_ is what you meant?" Sasuke asked the pink-haired kunoichi. "You know, Sakura, I think you're becoming less and less annoying."

"_Arigato_!" the cherry blossom giggled. "After all, with you gone, _someone_ had to torture the dobe."

Naruto sighed, giving up. "I guess this is how it _always_ turns out, huh? Me, getting the bad end of things, _huh_?"

✿°. ·∴终わる∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**Dou shita no = what's wrong; what's the matter?**

**Gomennasai = sorry**

**Matte = wait!**

**Neechan = older sister; a girl friend who is older than you**

**Itai = ow; ouch!**

**Yamero = stop it!**

**[1] = based on a mecha, Ame no Murakumo, in _Kannazuki no Miko_; I changed it to Yuki no Murakumo because Yuki means snow**

**[2] = based on Sakura's Sakura Fubuki in Movie 1 of _Naruto_**

**[3] = in _Sailor Moon_, the Sailor Scouts all have a battle line that goes along that lines of "_In the name of the Moon/Mercury/Mars/Jupiter/etc., I'll punish you!_"**

**Yeah! It's finished! Peoples, if you have any ideas for me to do, please tell me in your review!**


	4. IDIOTS

-Okay, so while everyone was trying to hunt down Naruto, Itachi and Kisame were just passing time, traveling the countryside when all of the sudden . . . a picture falls out of Itachi's pocket. Just what does this mean? And what events happen because of this? Read to find out!

* * *

**Okay, this is just something that I made as a bonus story for my fanfiction _Passion_ and I put it in chapter 21. But I decided that some of you don't like that fanfiction, so I put it in here just for you! Please enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Four

Idiots

One day . . . Itachi and Kisame are walking, walking, walking, and walking when a piece of paper falls out of Itachi's pocket.

Kisame picks it up. "Hey, Itachi! Who's the hot chick?"

"My _mother_." [cue dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, scooting away from the Uchiha who had a killing aura around himself.

✿｡.:***that noon***:.｡✿

Itachi is walking, walking, and walking while Kisame is limping, limping, and limping (because you don't call your friend's mother hot, not unless you want to be killed). Suddenly, another piece of paper falls out of Itachi's pocket.

Kisame picks it up . . . again. "Hey, Itachi! Who is this really, really _old_ man?"

"My _father_." [cue _very_ dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, scooting away from the Uchiha who had a killing aura around himself . . . again.

✿｡.:***that afternoon***:.｡✿

Itachi is walking, walking, and walking while Kisame is wheeling, wheeling, and wheeling himself around on a wheelchair when, out of the blue, another piece of paper falls out of Itachi's pocket . . . yet again.

And Kisame picks it up . . . yet again. "Hey, Itachi! Who's the _parrot_?"

"My _brother_." [cue _very, very,_ dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, scooting away from the Uchiha.

But instead of killing Kisame, Itachi snatched the picture out of the shark's hands and looked at the image. "Does he _really_ look like a parrot?"

"Yes, just look at his hairdo. It's shape like a chicken's ass."

"_I_ made that hairstyle." [cue _very, very, very_ dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, scooting away from the Uchiha who had a killing aura around himself . . . yet again.

✿｡.:***that evening***:.｡✿

Itachi is sitting, sitting, and sitting while Kisame was resting, resting, and resting on the hospital bed when, abruptly, a fourth picture fell out of Itachi's pocket. (Jeez, how many pictures does this guy carry in his pocket?)

And Kisame picked it up . . . once more. "Hey, Itachi! Who's the colorblind girl with the huge forehead?"

"My _brother's fiancée_." [cue _very, very, very, very_ dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, trying to scoot away from the Uchiha.

But instead of killing Kisame again, Itachi snatched the picture out of the shark's hands and looked at the image. "Is she _really_ colorblind? And is her forehead really _that_ big?"

"Well, _hello_! Her hair's _pink_, and you could put forty humongous jets on that runway! She's a fashion _disaster_!"

"Are you saying my brother's _blind_? He thinks she's _cute_…" [cue _very, very, very, very, very_ dramatic music]

"Oh, _really_?" Kisame asked, trying to scoot away from the Uchiha who had a killing aura around himself . . . yet again.

✿｡.:***that night***:.｡✿

Itachi is feeding, feeding, and feeding Kisame who's eating, eating, and eating and who can't pick, pick, and pick up his arms.

"This soup is great, Itachi! What is it?"

"Shark-fin soup!"

Kisame spits the soup out. "_Excuse me_?"

"You heard me: _shark-fin soup_!"

"I'm a _shark_…" [cue _Jaws_ music]

"Oh, _shit_…" And Itachi ran out of the house with Kisame rowing his hospital bed after him.

"GET BACK HERE, UCHIHA! COME BACK HERE AND FEEL THE WRATH YOU'VE UNLEASHED UPON ME!"

✿°.·∴终わる∴·.°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**Funny, right? No? Well . . . okay. I'll try to make better comedy stories. What? What do you guys want? Couples? Well, alright. I'll try to meet your expectations next time. Please review!**


	5. ELECTION DAY

-Okay, so we all know that because of Tsunade's coma, there has to be a replacement for her as Hokage. And so, Danzo is chosen, right? Well, I don't think that's fair! And so, we watch the events that lead up to the wonderful campaigns of the _Naruto_ characters. Also, we see how Sakura lures Team Hebi into Konoha for this wonderful spectacular!

* * *

**Yay! A new chapter in this story! Yay! I'm sorry I didn't work on this story for a while, but I couldn't come up with anything funny. You'll see that for yourselves when you see how stupidly un-funny this chapter is. (And how short this chapter is!) But anyway, please enjoy this crappy chapter! Oh, and, by the way, I can't take all the credit for this chapter. zerofangirl28 helped me come up with this idea, so yeah . . . thank her by reading her stories! That's all. You can read the story now.**

**Oh, and by the way, for some reason, I can't insert any question marks now. Don't know why, but it's really annoying. I have some question marks, but the rest won't work for some reason. Please ignore the grammer errors, and enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Five

ELECTION DAY

As Team Hebi was at a hotel in who-knows-where (thanks to their bigshot boss who happens to be SUPER rich), relaxing and throwing away their troubles, this _HUGE_ hawk comes out of nowhere. And this _HUGE_ hawk is squawking up another storm.

"Oh, what is it _now_?" Suigetsu asked angrily. "It can't be another snowball fight. It's the middle of _July_, for crying out loud! What do they want _now_?"

"Don't know, don't care." Karin said, slouching on the couch, as Juugo took the envelope from the _HUGE_ hawk. "But they don't got anything on me, so I don't have to do anything anymore for them! Ha! _Suckers_!"

"Hey, it's for Sasuke." Juugo said.

"_Really_?" Suigetsu asked, suddenly interested in the letter. He took it out of Juugo's hand and looked at it. "Ah! It's from Pinkie! Wonder what she wants. Maybe it's an announcement of her pregnancy! It's probably a boy!"

"_Huh_?" Karin and Juugo asked, question marks appearing over their heads.

"What?" Suigetsu asked. "You saw them together last time! They were hitting it off! The girl's probably pregnant by now! And—"

Suddenly, Karin and Juugo turned their backs towards their teammates and started a conversation of their own and quickly ran far away from the ex-Kiri nin.

"Hey! You guys! Why are you ignoring me all of the sudden?" Suigetsu asked, oblivious of the killing aura behind him. "I'm just telling you the truth, and"—he realized it then—"He's behind me, isn't he?"

Karin and Juugo, even though their backs were turned, nodded their heads.

Suigetsu slowly turned around. "Hey ya, boss-man! Eh-heh, _eh_ . . . how's it going?"

Sasuke continued to glare at the swordsman as he took the letter from the soon-to-be-dead. "Good-bye, Suigetsu."

Said swordsman gulped and . . . RAN AWAY AS FAST AS HE COULD.

"_CHIDORI_!"

And Suigetsu was sent far away. He was soaring—flying! There wasn't a star in heaven that he could not reach! (A/N: Sorry, _High School Musical_ moment there… Eh-heh-heh…)

"The letter? When did it come?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, not too long ago." Juugo answered, _praying_ that Sasuke was not still mad. "It's from your teammate, Haruno Sakura."

"Is it?"

"Yeah," Karin answered, "You can tell because she decorates her letters with cherry blossoms."

"Most girls do that."

"Yeah, but not _all_ of those girls decorate their letters with cherry blossoms that say _'Team 7's Princess'_; only Sakura does."

"And you know this . . . _why_?"

"Because I'm a girl, that's why."

"_'Could've fooled me,'_ would be what Suigetsu would say right now." Juugo said. "So, yeah, go on and read the letter, Sasuke, before Suigetsu comes back and starts making innuendoes on your sex life."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, read the letter before Suigetsu comes back." Juugo said, slowly backing away from the Uchiha.

"Hn," Sasuke said, brushing off Juugo's comment. He knew that Juugo meant no harm; it was just a slip-up, that was all, because, if it wasn't, you would've heard another thousand birds chirping. And so the Uchiha opened the letter, and it read:

_Help me, Sasuke-kun! I can't _stand_ this idiot anymore! Not even _ramen_ is working! Save me _NOW_! Or so help me, I'll haunt you from the afterlife, you cold, heartless bastard! From, your adorable little love._

"Still as annoying as ever, I see." He looked at the letter again.

_And what do you mean by _THAT_? Hm? Get off of your lazy ass and save me from this stupidity! Or so help me, I'll make sure you can _never_ revive your clan! From, your pissed-off girlfriend._

The Uchiha sighed. "So, not even _ramen's_ working on that dobe, huh? It must be serious, then."

"So . . . we're _going_?" Karin and Juugo asked.

"Yep," Sasuke said, even though he didn't want to step foot into Konoha ever again.

"Yay!" Suigetsu yelled. "Adventure!"

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL SOARING ACROSS THE NINJA WORLD!" Karin yelled. Suigetsu's sudden appearance had scared her more than Orochimaru had.

"Well, I came back! D'ya miss me?"

"Hardly."

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

Sasuke really didn't want to be in Konoha nor did he want to be anywhere in it. And so, when he saw the gates, he turned around and started walking away. But his team wouldn't allow it. After all, they _did_ travel six-thousand five-hundred seventy-two miles in _one_ hour and twenty-six minutes. Hell no were they turning around and returning empty-handed. And so, they _dragged_ the Uchiha through the gates.

"Traitors," the Uchiha said through a powerful glare that had no effect on his teammates.

"Hey, you're a traitor, too, Chidori-ing my ass like that." Suigetsu said, faking a sniffle, "This is payback. Mwa-ha-ha!"

But before the Uchiha could say something, this loud scream was heard throughout not only Konoha but throughout the whole ninja world.

"AHHHH! NO! NARUTO, GET AWAY FROM ME! AAAAAAAHHHH! SOMEONE! SAVE ME! NARUTO, NO! STAY _AWAY_! STAY _FAR_ AWAY!"

"VOTE FOR ME, SAKURA-CHAN!"

"HELL NO! GET AWAY! GET _AWAY_!"

And so, Sakura was running, running, running far away from the knucklehead. Trails of dust were seen from afar, and the sounds of racecars were heard. And soon enough, Team Hebi caught sight of the Haruno girl who then ran past them. Then, she came a screeching halt. Sakura backed up and glomped the Uchiha like crazy.

"SASUKE-KUN! My hero!" she cried. "You came! Thank the Heavens! I'm saved! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Sakura, what's going on?"

"Everyone's going crazy!"

"Yeah…" the Uchiha replied. "I kind of realized that when my team dragged me through Konoha's gates."

"Oh? You were _dragged_?" Sakura asked, turning towards the rest of Team Hebi. "Got any pictures? Give you a hundred bucks for 'em."

"Sakura!"

"Oh, right!" Sakura returned to crying. "It—was—_hor-ri-ble_! You would not _believe_ it! I was _so_ scared!"

"Sakura, what exactly happened?" Now, all of Team Hebi was interested. What was so bad that made even Sakura cry?

"The njina wlrod is gnoig czray!" she cried hysterically. "Tehy're hlodnig elceoitns for hkogae! It's ciivl war in khonoa! Eevn bad ploepe jion elceoitns!"

"_WHAT_? THE NINJA WORLD IS GOING CRAZY, THEY'RE HOLDING ELECTIONS FOR HOKAGE, AND IT'S CIVIL WAR IN KONOHA? EVEN BAD PEOPLE ARE JOINING THE ELECTIONS?"

"Blah-blah-wa-wah-bla-di-di-na-na-_ru_!"

"AND NARUTO WON'T LEAVE YOU _ALONE_?"

Sakura nodded her head. "Mh-hm."

"Why, I'll _kill_ that dobe." Sasuke seethed through clenched teeth.

"So . . . you'll help me?" Sakura asked, her eyes sparkling with hope.

"No," was Sasuke's blunt answer. "You got yourself into this; you can get out of this yourself. I'm just going to have a talk with Naruto about touching things that aren't his."

"I'M NOT A _THING_! AND I'M NOT _OWNED_ BY _ANYONE_!"

"Sure, you're not, Sakura. _Sure_, you're not."

"_WHAT_? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT—"

And so, while the "_couple_" (as Suigetsu and we put it) was fighting, the rest of Team Hebi watched and had their own side comments.

"_Wow_!" Suigetsu exclaimed. "Those two go at it like a married couple!"

"I'll say!" Juugo seconded that.

"_Ugh_!" Karin groaned. "You guys are _unbelievable_! You should respect other people's privacy!"

"Ha! You're one to talk!" Suigetsu yelled. "You're the one who's recording their battle!"

"You have no proof!"

"Then what's a camera doing in your hand?"

"What? _This_?" Karin asked, pointing to the camera. "Well . . . it's for . . . _anoo_, recreational purposes?"

"Ha! As if I'll believe that!"

"Are you calling me a _liar_?"

"Well, I ain't calling you pretty!"

"Ah! How _dare_ you!"

"What cha going to do about it? Bitch me to sleep?"

"Why, I oughta—"

Juugo shook his head at the sight. First, he had the Uchiha and Haruno fighting. Now, _that_ was bad. But to have Suigetsu and Karin fighting at the same time? That was just _too much_!

"Ugh, I need a break…" the quiet man said.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" both quarrelling pairs yelled at him.

"No-no-nothing…"

_BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_

"What the Hell?"

"Oh, the candidates are being called in." Sakura explained. "Anyone can give their view on how they want the village to be ran. It's quite stupid, actually, but it's fun to watch."

"Hn."

"DON'T _'HN'_ ME, YOU DAMN UCHIHA!"

"Ah." _You'll be an Uchiha soon, you know?_

"CAN'T YOU USE _REAL_ WORDS?"

"No." _You do all my talking for me anyway._

"WHY, I OUGHTA—"

"_Anoo_ . . . let's get going, shall we?" Juugo asked as Karin and Suigetsu broke up the lovely couple. He definitely did _not_ want a repeat of what just happened, like, ten seconds ago.

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Okay, first up to give their speech: Uzumaki Naruto." Sakura said, shuddering a bit.

****insert applause as Naruto walks onto stage****

"Thank you, thank you. Well, for my first decree, I promise to make Konoha the number 1 ninja village in the world! I will devote myself into protecting my village and everyone in it!"

****applause****

"The dobe is actually good," Sasuke said to Sakura.

"Oh, just you wait… You'll wish you'd never said _anything_…"

"Furthermore, I declare that every day is _Ramen Day_!"

****cricket chirps****

"What the Hell?" some people asked while others asked, "_Huh_?" And during all of this the Ichiraku ramen stand owner was like, "Yay!"

"Also, everyone is to say _'believe it'_ and wear orange jumpsuits, so that no one makes fun of me!"

"What the fuck? What kind of decree is _that_?"

"Naruto," the pink-haired kunoichi said calmly. "After this is all over,"—her tone turned deadly—"You're _DEAD_! NEXT!" she yelled. (FYI, Sakura is the judge. It's the reason why Naruto was bugging her 42/7.) "_Anoo_ . . . Nara Shikamaru."

****applause but no one comes on stage****

"_Anoo_ . . . Shikamaru?" Sakura asked. "Where _is_ he?"

"Ugh… I'll go get him." Sasuke said, standing from his seat. Five minutes later, you could hear a thousand birds chirping and someone yelling, "_Chidori_!" and another yelling, "_MOMMY_!" Then, in the next moment, you could hear someone yelling, "Phoenix Fire FLower Jutsu!" and you could smell smoke.

Shikamaru came on stage then, smoke coming from his hair and some of his clothes were singed. Sasuke sat back down in his seat. Sakura glared at him.

"_What_?" the Uchiha asked. "At least, I didn't _kill_ him. The lazy-ass was sleeping, and he wouldn't wake up."

Sakura sighed and shook her head.

"Okay…" Shikamaru yawned. "When I become Hokage, it'll be troublesome. First, I'll…[yawns]. Then, I'll…_zzz_…."

"_Okay_…" Sakura said. "_NEXT_! And someone, drag him off the stage!"

Genma and a few ANBU came and carried Shikamaru away. In the background, you could hear Shikaku (Shikamaru's father) saying, "What a troublesome boy…"

And Yoshino (Shikamaru's mother) replying with, "Honestly, how could he fall asleep in front of _everyone_? He gets it from _your_ side of the family!"

"_My_ side?" Shikaku asked.

"Yes! _Your_ side! You lazy-ass, stupid—"

"Okay! Well, who's next?" Sakura asked. Five minutes passed and…

_Poof!_

Out of a puff of smoke came Kakashi!

_Finally_… everyone thought, glumly.

"Yo! Okay, for my first act as Hokage," he paused for dramatic effect, "I ban all books except for _Make-Out Paradise_, yeah!"

****cricket chirps** but wait for it…**

"WHAT THE HELL, KAKASHI?" Sakura would've punched her sensei seven-hundred-million miles into the far beyond if all of Team Hebi weren't holding her back. "HURRY UP AND COME UP WITH A GOOD SECOND REASON OR YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF IN A SMALL LITTLE BOX AS A PRESENT FOR THE AKATSUKI!"

"Alright, alright… Yeesh, can't take a joke around here…" Kakashi said, scratching his chin. "Oh, I know! As Hokage, I declare that everyone has to wear face masks!"

"_WHAT_?" This time, not only did Sakura scream but so did the rest of the villagers.

"THAT'S _IT_!" the pink-haired kunoichi yelled. "FORGET THE AKATSUKI! I'LL PUT YOU IN A BLENDER AND TURN IT ON HIGH AND THEN PUT SEVENTY-FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS OF INSECTS IN IT AND FEED IT TO A CAT! AND THEN I'LL KILL THAT CAT! OH, YOU'RE SO _DEAD_ WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU, HATAKE KAKASHI!"

At that moment, Team Hebi decided that it would have been _best_ if they let Sakura go, and so they did because, when Sakura's angry—they knew—she would attack anyone including said team. And so Sakura was free to rampage on Kakashi.

And before we could see anything, the screen goes snowy, and Shizune appears. "I'm sorry to interrupt the program, but this is way too violent for readers under the age of—"

In the background, the audio isn't turned off. And we hear chainsaw buzzing, and we hear Kakashi screaming for help. We also hear Suigetsu laughing his head off, and Naruto saying, "Daijōbu, Kakashi-sensei! She'll tire out soon!"

✿｡.:***Minutes later***:.｡✿

Sakura pouted. "I don't _understand_," she whined. "Why do _I_ have to be put on a leash?"

"Because you tried to execute Kakashi with a chainsaw, and you nearly cut off _seven_ of your other allies' heads." Sasuke said.

"But I had a good reason!"

"Sakura, they were all _waiters_."

"_So_? They could've been Akatsuki spies or something!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't you be judging the Hokage candidates or something?"

"Oh, right…" Sakura said. "Next is…"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**Anoo = um…**

**Daijōbu = don't worry**

**Okay, this short-story ain't finished yet! There's still some more campaigns in the next chapter. So tell me in your reviews which _Naruto_ characters you want to see and tell me their campaign. I'll just tell you this much: I have Tsunade and Sakura's campaigns done, so don't tell me you won't to see them, okay? Thank you, that is all. Please review!**


	6. THE CANDIDATES

-Okay, so we all know that because of Tsunade's coma, there has to be a replacement for her as Hokage. And so, Danzo is chosen, right? Well, I don't think that's fair! And so, we watch the events that lead up to the wonderful campaigns of the _Naruto_ characters. Also, we see how Sakura lures Team Hebi into Konoha for this wonderful spectacular! [Cont]

* * *

**Yay! This is the continuation of the last chapter! Oh, and the question marks still won't work.**

* * *

Chapter Six

THE CANDIDATES

"Oh, right…" Sakura said. "Let's see… Next is…"—when she saw the next name on the list, her eyes widened—"_AKAMARU_?"

Everyone in the audience went, "_HUH_?" as the large dog came onto the podium and cleared his throat.

"You're seriously _allowing_ this?" Sasuke asked the kunoichi.

"Oh, come on," Sakura replied. "It can't hurt, can it?" _I really hope I don't get my license suspended for this…_

"A-bow-wow, a-wow, a-bow-wowie-bow-_wow_, bow-wow, a-boo-woo!" Akamaru barked in the rhythm of a rap song. "_Word_."

****cricket chirps****

"Woo-hoo! Go, Akamaru!" Kiba was the only who cheered. "That's my pet dog!"

"Right…" Sakura said, through clenched teeth. "SECURITY! GET ANIMAL CONTROL AND TELL 'EM TO BRING A _HUGE_ NET! NEXT!"

"WHAT? You're all just _jealous_ of Akamaru's rapping!"

✿｡.:***After Akamaru is led off the stage with Kiba crying behind animal control***:.｡✿

"Okay, let's see…" Sasuke said, taking the list from Sakura. "Is there _anyone_ who would actually take this thing _seriously_? Let's see… Ah, how about Neji?"

"Good choice," Sakura said. "HYUGA NEJI! YOU'RE UP!"

"Okay, next time, warn me _before_ you go and try to make me deaf."

"SHUT IT!"

"What did I just say?"

And so, the brown-haired girl-I mean, hippie-_boy_ went up on stage. (A/N: Sorry, Neji. I forgot that you're a boy. But can you blame me? With that long hair, I thought you were the slut Miley Cyrus.)

He cleared his throat. "I will make this short," the Hyuga prodigy said. "Vote for me because destiny has seen to it that _I _will be Hokage! So vote for me or _else_ destiny will not be so kind to you. That's all…"

"Okay, _six _words, Hyuga." Sakura said. "GET _OFF_ OF THE STAGE! NOW! Yeesh, you'd think everyone _wouldn't_ be an idiot. Okay, next… Let's go with . . . the hippie's cousin, Hyuga _Hinata_."

And so, the shy little girl was _pushed_ and _dragged_ onto the stage. "_Anoo_ . . . _anoo_ . . ." And then _BAM!_ She fainted.

"Oh my god! Someone get a medical nin!" someone from the crowd said.

"Or better yet," Sakura said. "Get her off of the stage! She'll wake up after the next person goes up, and that's—"

"CPR! CPR!"

"Who the Hell is _CPR_?" Sakura asked.

"No, I think the crowd is cheering for Naruto to _give_ Hinata CPR." Sasuke answered.

"Oh… Okay then . . . BRING THE KNUCKLEHEAD ONTO THE STAGE!"

And so, Naruto came and knelt down besides Hinata.

"Go! Go! Wake up Sleeping Beauty with a kiss, oh knucklehead knight in an orange jumpsuit!" the crowd cheered.

"Hey! It's supposed to be '_Oh handsome knight in shining white armor'_!"

"WHO CARES? JUST KISS HER ALREADY!"

"Alright, _fine_!"

But as Naruto bent down for the kiss…

"_Kyaa_!" And Hinata's fist made impact onto Naruto face and he was thrown far, far away. And Hinata fainted . . . _again_.

"Okay, I've heard of _happily ever after_, but this is more like a _punch-him ever after_." Suigetsu said.

"Amen to _that_," Karin and Juugo nodded their heads.

"Okay, next is," Sakura announced. "Lee and Gai-sensei."

"I thought the position of Hokage is only for _one_." Sasuke commented.

Sakura just shrugged.

The twin duo came on stage. "Okay, first of all, as your new youthful Hokages, everyone must wake up at four!"

"_What_? That's no fair!"

"Then we must jog around the village ten times!"

"_What_? That's even worse!"

"Everyone must also wear these _stylish_ green suits!"

"Hell no! Why _us_? Torture the Akatsuki!"

"And lastly, everyone must shave their heads just like our hairstyles, and we must pray to Bud-_ta_!"

"What is a Bud-_ta_?"

"We must live out our youthful days in glory!"

_Are they even _listening_ to us?_

"No complaints, you whiners! Hail Gai-sensei and Lee!"

"What is this? The _Holocaust_?" Sakura asked. "SERCURITY! GET THEM OFF THE STAGE AND TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL!"

"You can't silence us!" Gai yelled. "Long live youth! Long live the youthfulness of Michael Jackson!"

"?" was what the audience said.

"Okay… Next is . . ." Sakura said, looking down at the list. Her eyes widened, and she tugged on Sasuke's shirt. "Hey, should we allow this guy in?"

"Why are you asking _me_?"

"I'll take that as a yes." Sakura said. "Itachi! You can come out now!"

"_WHAT_?"

"Hey, you didn't say no."

"You didn't show me the guy's name!"

"Yes, I did!"

"Showing me the list for one _second_ is not showing me anything!"

"Oh, stop your whining!" Sakura yelled over the squeals of Itachi's fangirls. "Why can't you be like the fangirls and adore your older brother?"

"I'm not a girl, and he killed off my whole family!"

"Oh . . . right…"

Itachi cleared his throat. "Okay… I really don't know why I'm here. But as Hokage, I say we all should wear these"—he took out these shirts with a red X on Sasuke's picture—"_'I-hate-my-foolish-little-brother-Sasuke'_ shirts."

"_What_?" Sasuke was about ready to aim his Chidori at his brother, but Sakura and the rest of Team Hebi held him down.

Someone in the crowd raised their hand.

"_Yes_?" Itachi asked. "A question from that person."

"_Anoo_ . . . what if we don't have a foolish little brother named Sasuke?"

"That is very simple. Cross out _'brother'_ and write _'sister'_."

"But . . . Sasuke is a _guy's_ name!"

"Then cross out _'my little brother'_."

"But . . ."

"And if you want to, cross out _'Sasuke'_ and write _'Sas-_gay'!"

"EXCUSE _ME_!" Sasuke yelled. "I AM _NOT _GAY!"

Then a fangirl raised her hand.

"_Yes_?" Itachi asked.

"But what if we _don't_ hate him?" she asked.

"Right, as if! No matter who you are, you'll always find a reason to hate him!" Itachi explained. "If you're a guy, you hate him for stealing away all of the girls! _Especially_ the hot ones! If you're a girl then you hate him for ignoring you and never giving you any attention! If you're a shinobi, you hate him for being stronger than you! And if you're just a merchant or just a plain civilian then you hate him for his aloof attitude!"

There were no further questions.

"Hn," Itachi said while throwing away the shirt, "Anyway, as my second decree, I say we should all attack my foolish little brother."

"_WHAT_?"

Another someone raised their hands. "Why?"

"Because he betrayed the village."

"But isn't that what _you_ did?"

"Yes, but at least I didn't go to a freakin' pedophile and try to kill my teammates."

"That's _true_," everyone _including_ Sakura said, nodding their heads.

"You're not seriously _considering_ that, are you?" Sasuke asked the audience.

"Alright, peoples, settle down!" Itachi said. "I know you all like me _better_ than you like my brother, and so please vote for me to be the Hokage."

"But it says here on the list that you have _three_ main decrees that you would issue when you're Hokage," Sakura said, pointing to the list. "We can't decide on anything until we hear that third reason."

"Oh, that's simple." Itachi said. "I say we take the Kyuubi and give it as a present to Akatsuki for a peace treaty."

The fangirl raised her hand. "But doesn't Akatsuki want the Kyuubi to _destroy_ Konoha?"

"Yes! And when we have the Kyuubi, we'll take over the world! _Mwa-ha-ha-ha_!"

****cricket chirps****

Itachi saw this and cleared his throat. "Oh, did I say _'take over the world'_?" he asked. "I meant, make over the squirrels!"

"Um . . . right…" Sakura said, nodding her head. "SASUKE! YOU CAN KILL HIM NOW!"

But the younger Uchiha wouldn't budge.

"_Anoo_ . . . Sasuke-kun, you can kill him now! You can get your damn revenge over with now! We're giving you _permission_!"

He shrugged. "Eh… Don't _feel_ like it…"

Sakura's grip on the clip-board was so tighten that it snapped in half and then…

"We interrupt this program," Shizune appears as the whole screen goes snowy again. "But it is just too violent and contains too many bad words, and so our sponsors have decided to censor it again. I'm sorry for the intrusion, but this is the way it has to be and, in the words of Tsunade-sama, _'DEAL WITH IT'_!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Okay, now that _that's_ over with…" Sakura said, fixing her hair. She looked at her new list. "Next up is . . . Choji!"

****insert applause****

"Okay, as Hokage," the fatty-I mean, the _chubby_ person started. "I promise that we will never have a shortage of food."

"Yeah but, if we do, _he'll_ be the cause of it." Sasuke joked into Sakura's ear which earned him a "_Shh_!" from said kunoichi and a giggle.

"And secondly, I will make sure the Akatsuki won't get the _chips_…"

"_Anoo_ . . . Choji?" Sakura asked. "Are you _okay_?"

"_Chips_…" he growled again.

"Choji?"

"_Chips_!"

"Huh?"

"GIVE ME MY CHIPS, YOU EVIL CHIP-STEALER!"

"_What_? I did _not_ steal your chips!"

"I NEED"—Choji started foaming at the mouth—"_CHIPS_!" And suddenly, it was _King Kong_ all over again.

"Someone get the Choji Control!" Sakura yelled. Heard of Animal Control? Well, this is Choji Control!

And suddenly, two K.O. darts were shot at the fatty-crazy man, and he fell over.

"Great!" Suigetsu said. "Now he's blocking the exit with his fatness!"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME _'FAT'_?" Choji asked, suddenly waking up.

"Um . . . _no_?"

Then Choji fell back asleep, and everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, next up is Orochimaru!" Sakura said. "Huh? Wait a minute!"—she turned to her ex-teammate—"I thought you killed him already!"

"So did I!" the Uchiha replied.

Then the pedophile Oreo slithered onto stage; a thundercloud was overhead. "Okay, as_sss_ Hokage, I order you all to give me your children, s_sss_o I cut them up and dissect them!"

"BOO! BOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!" And then everyone started throwing their soda at the guy.

"AHH!" he started screaming when the soda got into his eyes. "It burns_sss_!"

And suddenly, this _HUGE_ hawk came out of nowhere and swallowed him whole. But then, that same hawk died later that evening of food poisoning.

"Okay…" Sakura said. "Lastly—and _finally_—here's Lady Tsunade with her closing statements!"

****insert applause****

The Godaime Hokage walked onto stage. "Okay, I'm here to close off the event, yeah… But I saw how much fun this was, so I prepared instead a speech of what_ I'd_ do if I were elected Hokage."

"But you _are_ the Hokage!"

"Shut it!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good"—she cleared her throat—"As Hokage, I will take away all of the alcoholic drinks—"

****insert applause****

"—And drink it all by myself!"

****cricket chirps****

"Then I'd get rid of all of the gambling places—"

****insert applause****

"—And build me a _HUGE_ gambling slot in the Hokage mansion!"

****cricket chirps****

"And lastly, YOU ALL BETTER VOTE FOR ME OR I'LL SEND YOUR ASSES INTO SLAVERY!"

"Hey, you can't do _that_!" Sakura yelled.

"OH, YES, I _CAN_! AND I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BACK IT UP, TOO!"

"Well, I have that, too!"

"_SO_? I'LL PUT YOU IN JAIL IF I HAVE TO!"

"_Fine_!" Sakura yelled. "But if _I'm_ going down, I'm bringing Karin down with me!"

"_What_?" the redhead asked. "Why _me_?"

"Because we always end up bickering! Sooner or later, the guards are going to get fed up with it and release us!"

"Well . . . that _is_ true…" Karin said. "But if _I'm_ going down, I'm bringing Suigetsu with me! He amuses me!"

"_What_?" said swordsman asked. "Well, if _I'm_ going down then the big guy here is going down too!"

"Then Sasuke's going down, too!" Juugo added. "I need him to control my curse mark!"

"Yeah!" Sakura yelled. "He'll back me up!"

"Speak for yourself." the Uchiha retorted.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"_Fine_!" He gave up quickly because he _definitely_ did _not_ want another life lesson. (Remember? That first life lesson was censored off earlier in this chapter.) "But if _I'm_ going down, so is the dobe!"

"_What_?" Naruto asked. "Teme, that's no fair!"

"Deal with it!" Sasuke retorted. "You're part of Team 7, so go along with the flow!"

"_Fine_! Then I'm bringing Kakashi-sensei, too!"

"Well, excuse me!" said silver-haired jonin said. "If that's how it's going to be then I'm bringing down Yamato, too!"

"Well then, I'll bring down Sai, too!" the other jonin said.

"Then I'll take the destiny Hyuga prodigy along with me!"

"No, Sai!" Sakura yelled. "He'll bore us to death with his destiny speeches!"

"Fine!" the artist said. "Then . . . I'll bring down Kiba!"

"Hey!" the dog-man protested. "If I'm going down, Akamaru's going, too!"

"Woof-woof-woof-woof-Hinata-bow-wow-woof-woof-woof-woof-woof!"

"Th-then I'll . . . ta-ta-take Shino d-d-d-down with me!"

And the list went on and on until Tsunade was fed up with it.

"FINE!" the Godaime Hokage yelled. "THEN YOU'RE _ALL_ GOING TO PRISON! GUARDS, LOCK THEM UP!"

"HEY, YOU CAN'T DO _THAT_!"

"I'M THE HOKAGE, SO DEAL WITH IT!"

"But . . . _but_!"

"I SAID, _'DEAL WITH IT'_!"

"Hai…"

✿°. ·∴终わる∴· . °✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**Anoo = um…**

**Godaime Hokage = Fifth Hokage**

**Yay! Peoples, it's finished! But I'll think I'll make another chapter soon. It's probably going to be about all of the ninja in jail, so let's see what happens, okay? Please review! And thank you for reading this chapter!**


	7. TEAM JAILBIRDS

-Okay, you all remember how ELECTION DAY and THE CANDIDATES ended, right? Well, if you don't remember, the story ended with Tsunade screaming, "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PRISON! GUARDS, LOCK THEM UP!" And so, now . . . well, can you guess where Konoha 11 and Team Hebi are? Damn it, they're in jail! Now, the only question is: how will they break out? Or better yet, will they survive each other?

* * *

**Yay! A new chapter! I'm sorry for making you all wait, but I couldn't come up with anything funny for this chapter, and so it's late. I'm sorry, again. I hope the wait is worth it and, without further ado, please enjoy! (Oh, and the question marks and exclamation marks are going haywire again for some reason**—**like, i can't put more than one exclamation in a row and I can't have an exclamation mark and a question mark next to each other**—**and I have no idea why, so don't flame me for grammer mistakes.)**

* * *

Chapter Seven

TEAM JAILBIRDS

"NO! NO! LET ME OUT! I CAN'T BE HOKAGE IF I'M STUCK IN THIS PLACE! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Dobe—"

"SHUT _UP_!" Sakura finished the Uchiha's sentence before punching the living daylights out of their teammate. "It's bad enough that we're cramped up in this surprisingly large jail-cell with almost everyone we know! We don't need _you_ to make it any worse!"

"Hey, if I remember correctly, Sa-ku-ra, it was _you_ who got us into this mess!" Naruto accused, pointing his finger at the pink-haired kunoichi.

"Uh-_un_!" Ino snapped. "You did _not_ just say that, you snot-nosed brat! _No one_—and I mean, _no one_—points their fingers at Forehead and gets away with it except _me_! Now you better back up and take back what you say!"

"H-hey! You . . . you can't be mean to . . . to him j-j-just because of Sakura-san's mis-mis-mistake!"

"Oh, you're siding with _him_, Hinata?" Sakura asked. "Wow, it's never a surprising day when someone's _friend_ takes the side of the _enemy_, now is it?"

"Hey, don't you _dare_ call Hinata a traitor!" Naruto yelled.

"_Anoo_, if you heard _correctly_, you idiotic twerp, Sakura never called your shy little mouse a traitor!" Ino screamed. "_You're_ the one who actually brought the word up!"

"S-s-stop yelling at him!" Hinata cried.

"_MAKE_ US!" the two friends/rivals yelled.

And so, as they fought, Sasuke just shook his head, wondering how in the world he got there. Oh, that's right… It was the pink-haired girl in need of anger management's fault. That was why he was stuck here…

He sighed. "I don't know _why_ I even came here for…"

"Oh, you _forgot_?" Suigetsu asked. "Well, it's simple you see, we—"

"YOU _IDIOT_!" Karin yelled. "It was just a rhetorical statement."

"_Oh_…" Suigetsu nodded his head. "I get it… So it's _rhetorical_, huh?" He kept nodding his head.

"_Anoo_ . . . Suigetsu, you don't have a clue as to what _'rhetorical'_ means, don't you?" Juugo asked.

"Not a single clue," the swordsman replied.

"THEN DON'T GO NODDING YOUR HEAD LIKE YOU _DO_ KNOW!" Karin yelled.

"Hey! Aren't I entitled to a fair trial until proven guilty?"

"NO, YOU'RE _NOT_!"

"Well, why _not_?" Suigetsu asked ever-so-innocently.

"BECAUSE . . . _anoo_ . . . oh, BECAUSE YOU'RE _UGLY_!"

"WELL, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BITCH!"

Karin gasped. "You take that back!"

"_Make_ me, fatty faggot!"

"Why, I oughta—"

Okay, while that fight was going on, Team Gai just watched on. The green [and ugly] sensei just shook his head. "Look at all these people!" he said, "_Clearly_, they don't know the meaning of youth!"

"Should we break them up, Gai-sensei?" Lee asked.

"Nah," Gai replied. "This is too fun to watch. Go get a camcorder, Lee, and watch with me."

"Okay!" And Lee went running, running, running but then . . . _BAM_! He hit the wall, and this _HUGE_ bump popped onto his head.

Gai gasped. "Lee!"

Tears flowed out of Lee's eyes. "Gai-sensei!"

"_Lee_!"

"_Gai-sensei_!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

****insert sunset scene and waves as the ugly people hugged****

"Okay…" Tenten said, trying to find something else to do than watch these stupid scenes. "There _has_ to be something _better_ to do in jail…"

"Sorry to rain on your parade, Tenten, but destiny has already seen to it that we'd die of boredom and . . . _err_, weird-dom." (Guess who?)

"Well, Neji, I don't _like_ listening to _destiny_, so tell destiny that she can kiss my ass cuz I ain't listening to her!"

The Hyuga prodigy gasped. "You take that back!"

"_Oh_? And what are you going to do if I _don't_?" Tenten asked. "Run back home and cry to _destiny_? FYI, destiny isn't always right!"

"Take that back, I say!"

"Well then, if you _love_ this destiny person so much, YOU SHOULD GO _MARRY_ HER!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"_YEAH_!"

✿｡.:***Meanwhile***:.｡✿

"SHINO! AKAMARU HAS _FLEAS_!"

"And how is that _my_ problem?" the bug-boy asked.

"BECAUSE YOU _OWN_ THEM!"

"Well, technically, I don't _own_ the fleas."

"Oh, stop being all _'technical'_ about it, and FESS UP! YOU PUT THE FLEAS ON AKAMARU JUST TO SPITE ME, DIDN'T YOU?"

"Kiba, you're being irrational about this."

"NO! _This_ is _not_ irrational! _This_ is irrational!"

"Now, Kiba, calm down. You don't want to—"

"Akamaru, go! DYNAMIC MARKING!"

And Akamaru jumped into the air and . . . _peed_ on Shino who became very pissed-off.

"_See_?" Kiba asked. "Aren't you glad I didn't use _that_ jutsu?"

Smoke was coming off of Shino's head but, when he spoke, he was fairly calm. "You know what? Yes, I _am_ glad that all this _irrational_ stuff is behind us because, if it wasn't . . . I'd be doing _this_!"

Suddenly, all these bugs (EW!) came out of nowhere and surrounded Kiba, but these bugs weren't just bug-bugs; they were…

"_BEES_!"

And after a few hundred stingings, Kiba looked a bit swollen and looked as if he had a bad case of acne.

"Oh, that's it!" he snarled. "Bring it _on_, Bug-boy!"

"Oh, it's already _been_ brought, Dog-boy!"

And this deadly (and stupid) battle began while Akamaru just watched on along with Juugo.

"Hey! You're a dog, aren't you?"

"Arf!"

"Well, when you're gone, the cat comes out to play! But when the cat's gone—"

"Arf-bow-wowie-bow-wow-arf!"

"WHO FREAKIN' ASKED YOU[1]?"

✿｡.:***Elsewhere***:.｡✿

"Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…"

"Munch-munch-munch…"

"_Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…_"

"_Munch-munch-munch…_"

"Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Zzzz…"

"Munch-munch-munch…"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Hey, Sai..?"

"Hai, Yamato-taichou?"

"Can you picture Sasuke with long hair?"

It was silence then… "A-HA-HA-HA! That's _rich_! Oh, god! Ha-ha!"

"_Well_?"

". . ." Sai stared at his team captain. "Oh, I'm sorry. You were _serious_?"

Yamato stared at him for a long moment. And then…

"AH! SCARY FACE!"

"YES! I WAS SERIOUS! NOW _PICTURE_ IT!"

"Okay, okay…" And then after Sai imagined that, he started laughing again. "A-HA-HA-HA! He'd look like a _porcupine_! A-HA-HA!"

"Now picture him in a dress."

". . ."

"_Well_?"

"_Seriously_?"

Yamato stared at him for a long moment. And then…

"AH! SCARY FACE!"

"YES! I WAS SERIOUS! NOW _PICTURE_ IT!"

"Okay, okay…" And then after Sai imagined that, he started laughing again. "A-HA-HA-HA! He'd look _homo_! A-HA-HA!"

"That's what Orochimaru did to him…" Yamato suddenly said.

And suddenly, it wasn't funny anymore.

And while all this was happening, Kakashi was just reading his book. He had just gotten to the good apart—you know, the part of the book where it all happens _after_ the couple has reached home. And as he read, his face turned red. It was so much, in fact, that he . . . _giggled_—yes, he _giggled_ which was his _BIG_ mistake… His VERY _BIG_ mistake…

Everyone—and I mean, _everyone_—stopped what they were doing, whether they were just arguing like crazy or fighting, and stared at the perverted silver-haired jonin.

"_Anoo_ . . ." he could not think of anything to say to break the awkward silence. "Do _you_ guys want to read it?"

Silence… And more silence… Until…

"I THOUGHT SAKURA BURNED ALL THOSE BOOKS!" Naruto screamed.

"YEAH! AND DIDN'T SHE KICK YOUR ASS THAT LAST TIME YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE PORN-BOOKS?" Ino yelled.

"I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON THAT LAST TIME!" Sakura yelled. "THAT'S _IT_! GIVE IT HERE, KAKASHI!"

"No! No! Please I'm _begging_ you!" Kakashi cried. "Please _don't_!"

Sakura pounced at the book, but Kakashi quickly dodged. She pounced again, but Kakashi dodged again. She pounced once more but, this time, Kakashi dodged and became Spider-Man and stuck onto the ceiling.

"HA-HA! YOU'LL NEVER GET ME _ALIVE_, GIRLIE! A-HA-HA!"

"YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE, RIGHT _NOW_!"

"And who's gonna make me, my _mother_?" Kakashi asked.

"NO! IT'LL BE THE GIRL WHO'LL MAKE SURE YOU'LL BE FLYING INTO THE NEXT _MILLENNIUM_!"

"But you can't get me, so me gots nothing to worry about! _Mwa-ha-ha_!"

"Yeah, that's right, my cool-cat rival!" Gai cheered on. "Speak your mind and live with no regrets!"

"DON'T _ENCOURAGE_ HIM!" all of Konoha 11 including Rock Lee and Team Hebi yelled.

Gai backed up against a wall. "Alright, alright! Sheesh, we can't take a joke around here, can we?"

"Now . . . where was I?" Sakura asked.

"At the part where Kakashi said, _'But you can't get me, so me gots nothing to worry about! _Mwa-ha-ha_!'_"

"Oh, thank you Tenten." Sakura then turned and started screaming at the Spider-ninja. "NOW GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT, HATAKE KAKASHI, OR SO HELP ME I'LL MAKE SURE NO MORE OF THOSE BOOKS ARE PUBLISHED IN KONOHA OR ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE NINJA WORLD!"

Kakashi gasped. "You can't do that!"

"_Watch_ me!"

"Ha! You're just calling my bluff! There's no way—"

_Chirp-chirp-chirp!_

Kakashi's face fell then. "Oh, crap. The Uchiha's behind me, isn't he?"

Everyone nodded, "Mh-hm."

Kakashi turned around slowly. "Oh, hey, Sasuke! _Anoo_ . . . whatcha going to do with that Chidori?"

"Take a good guess, sensei." the Uchiha said.

"Oh shit…"

And then we hear all this screaming and cheering from Konoha 11 and Team Hebi, saying "Go, Chicken-ass-haired avenger! Go, go! Kick that pervert's ass, go! Go!"

✿｡.:***Everything else is censored***:.｡✿

In this next scene, Kakashi is being held back by Naruto and Sai with wooden reinforcements, courtesy of Yamato (of course); Sasuke handing the porn-book to Sakura. However, it was during this time that Kakashi had taken in his surroundings.

"Ha!" he said. "There's no fireplace here, and you can't use any fire jutsu, so that means you can't burn my book! Ha-ha! I win this time, Sakura! You can't hide it anywhere where I _can't_ find it! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Oh, _really_?" the pink-haired kunoichi asked. "And what makes you think I'll _burn_ the book _this_ time around?"

"_Huh_? What . . . what do you mean?"

"_This_ is what I mean." Sakura said, and then she tore the first 7 pages of the book, tore the 7 last pages, and tore chapter 7 itself from the book all in a single move. Then she threw those papers in the air, Neji and Hinata used Rotation and ripped those papers into eighths, Akamaru jumped in the air and peed on them, and then this huge spike of wood pierced through those ripped pieces of paper (which were now untouchable and unreadable). Then Sakura took what was left of the book and ripped it down its spine and, as Kakashi watched on, he started to whimper. Naruto then used Rasengan, and Sasuke used his Chidori, and together they completely turned the last two halves of the book into paper-mâché. Tenten then summoned her weapons and shot them all at the pieces of flying papers and stuck all of them onto the wall.

"_NOOOOOOOO_!" Kakashi cried. "YOU GUYS ARE THE _WORST_ STUDENTS IN THE WHOLE NINJA WORLD! MY BOOK! MY PRECIOUS BOOK! HOW COULD YOU? OH, MY BOOK! MY DARLING SWEETHEART! HOW COULD YOU? WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"_Anoo_ . . ." Hinata stuttered. "Should we . . . shouldn't we h-h-help him?"

"Nah, he'll stop in a couple of minutes." Sakura said.

"Then . . . what should we do now?" Shino asked. "There's no way we can ignore his crybaby screams."

"Hm…" Sakura thought about it for a minute but came to the same conclusion as Bug-boy. "You know . . . you have a point. What _are_ we going to do?"

"I KNOW!" a voice from up high said.

Everyone looked up and saw this shadow come out of nowhere, and so they all except for Naruto took a _GIANT_ step to the left as that person fell onto the dobe.

"_JIRAIYA_?" they all couldn't believe it. Was he dead!

"That's right, alive and in the flesh!" the old man smiled. "Now, first things first: where's my idiot of a god-son?"

"Mown _mere_ (down _here_)!" Naruto yelled.

"Oh," Jiraiya said. "How have you been doing, ya brat?"

"Mreat, mut I mould me metter mand mot _mat_ mon (Great, but I could be better and not _sat_ on)!"

"Oh, right…" Jiraiya laughed in embarrassment as he got off of the ramen-loving fool.

"Hey, I thought you were _dead_." Naruto said. "How come you're here and where'd ya come from?"

"Well, God was nice enough to let me come down from . . . up _there_."

Everyone looked up. "You mean..?"

"Yep! Tsunade's new gambling room!"

Everyone fell down anime-style then.

"Hey, what's wrong with all of you?" the old man asked.

"Oh, nothing… We're all good."

"So anyway, what is this thing you have for us to do, Jiraiya-sama?" Lee asked.

"Oh, that's simple!" the old man chuckled. "All the girls shall take off their clothes and walk around naked! Come on, you guys, we'll look away as they change as to not embarrass them! Come—" But then Jiraiya saw the frightened looks of all the male shinobi. "Hey, what's wrong?"

All the guys pointed to . . . the really mad kunoichi.

"What's the matter with you all?"

✿｡.:***Minutes later***:.｡✿

"I was only _kidding_…" Jiraiya said through a swollen mouth, face, and place-where-it-hurts-the-most. He had about only a fraction of his teeth left. (All of this was curtsey of the kunoichi of Konoha 11 and Karin.)

Naruto crossed his arms. "Hmp, even if we haven't seen him in forever, he's _still_ a pervert."

"Yep, and you better not learn from him, Uzumaki, or I'll see to it that you and Hinata-sama can never be!" Neji threatened.

"_Huh_? What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on! Isn't it obvious that Hinata-sama likes—"

Suddenly, Tenten jumped him, putting her hand over his mouth, and he fell to the ground.

"Hinata-chan likes _what_?" Naruto asked.

"She likes, _anoo_ . . . _ramen_! Yeah, she likes ramen!" Sakura answered.

"Oh, really? That's great!"—he turned to the Hyuga heiress—"Then you and me should go out sometime, Hinata-chan!"

"R-r-_really_?" she asked.

"Sure, why not?"

"Oh, god… I think I'll—" But she didn't get a chance to finish because . . . Hinata fainted.

"_Hinata_? HEY, HINATA-CHAN!"

"YOU MADE HER FAINT AGAIN!" Neji screamed now on his feet, Tenten trying to hold him back.

"_WHAT_?" the knucklehead didn't even know what was going on.

"NOW TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN!"

"WHAT? WHAT?"

"BYAKUGAN!"

"AHHH! SOMEONE, HELP ME! _PLEASE_!"

And so, as Naruto was being chased around the jail cell—did I ever mention this was a _HUGE_ jail cell?—everyone just watched on.

"_Anoo_ . . . should we help him?" Sakura asked Sasuke. But when the Uchiha opened his mouth to say something, the pink-haired kunoichi quickly added, "And don't say, _'Nah, the dobe can take care of himself' _cuz he can't."

"SOMEONE, HELP ME!" Naruto continued to scream as he prayed to the Gods to have mercy. "I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"So _should_ we help him?" Sakura asked again. But when Sasuke opened his mouth, the pink-haired kunoichi interrupted him, "And don't tell me that he's not going to die because, if he were, _you'd _be the one chasing him."

"SAKURA-CHAN! TEME!"

By this time, however, Neji aimed his Byakugan whatever-power/jutsu and kept hitting the dobe over and over and over again.

"_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!" Naruto yelped in pain. "_Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_! _Itai_!"

"Ano . . . should we help him _now_?" Sakura asked. The Uchiha opened his mouth, but then Sakura had another thing to say again. "And don't say, _'Just watch, Sakura. Sometimes life imitates movies' _because that's not _always_ true."

Sasuke groaned. "Then what do you _want_ me to say?"

"It's not something I want you to _say_—it's something I want you to _do_."

The Uchiha was about ready to roll his eyes. "_Fine_! What is it that you want me to _do_?"

"Go save our idiot teammate."

"Then you could've said so in the first place instead of repeatedly asking whether or not we should."

"But then you wouldn't have listened, and I would wind up getting hit instead of Naruto." Sakura countered ever-so-innocently.

Sasuke was about to say something, but then… "You know, you've got a point."

The kunoichi giggled. "Yeah, I know."

"SAKURA-CHAN! TEME! WHAT _ARE_ YOU TWO _DOING_? _FLIRTING_ WHILE I'M GETTING THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS BEATEN OUT OF ME?" Naruto asked, feeling awfully betrayed. "HOW _COULD_ YOU?"

"Dobe, you were the one who did wrong, not us." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, don't try to bring down your teammates, Naruto." Kakashi said.

"NOT YOU, TOO, KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto asked.

"Sorry, Naruto, but I'm already on a death list (specifically Sakura's), and I don't want to be on another's." the copy-cat jonin said.

"Yeah, don't get your sensei into anymore trouble." Jiraiya warned.

"OH, GOD! ISN'T THERE _ANYONE_ WHO'LL HELP ME?"

"NOPE, THERE ISN'T!" Neji yelled. "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!"

"_MOMMY_!"

✿｡.:***Minutes later***:.｡✿

"See the trouble you get into?" Sakura asked as she placed an ice pack on Naruto's swollen face.

"But, Sakura! It only happened because you and Teme wouldn't help me!"

"Oh, put a sock into it!"

"But—"

"I SAID _SHUT UP_!"

"Hai."

"Okay, peoples!" Gai said. "I have the perfect idea! Everyone, get into a circle!"

_What are we? In kindergarten?_ everyone thought. "But we—"

"I SAID, _'GET INTO A CIRCLE'_!"

And everyone raced to get into the so-called circle that Gai wanted them to be in. But for all you readers' information, the shinobi had gotten into . . . an _oval_.

"Good, now we—"

Everyone leaned closer—

"—play—"

—and cupped their ears.

"—TRUTH OR DARE!"

. . .

"Well? What do you say?"

. . .

"_Well_?"

"WHAT IS THIS? SOME SORT OF CRAZY MIDDLE-SCHOOL GET-TOGETHER?"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

* * *

**[1] = well, if any of you watch or read _Azumanga Daioh _then you'd know what that whole conversation between Juugo and Akamaru was about.**

**Yay! Chapter's done! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please, in your review, include a question or dare for one of the _Naruto_ characters, kay? Thank you and please review!**

**Also, please read my friend's fanfics! Her username is zerofangirl28. Please read her stories and review!**


	8. TRUTH OR DARE

-Okay, so Gai has suggested playing Truth-or-Dare. It's an innocent game, right? But wait just a moment! Let's not forget we're talking about the cast of Naruto here! Nothing's innocent when they're around, so how exactly does a game of Truth-or-Dare turn into a battlefield?

* * *

**Yay! I _finally_ got the chapter up! Sorry for the delay, I was partying with my friends for the last weeks or so. (School's over, you know?) This chapter is also kinda on the short side since I couldn't come up with _anything_ to put in this chapter. And so, without further ado, let the game begin!**

* * *

Chapter Eight

TRUTH OR DARE

"Do we _have_ to?" Konoha 11 and Team Hebi complained. Even Lee whined.

"Yes!" Gai answered. "Or so help me, I'll send you all back to the Ninja Academy! Dun-dun-_dun_!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"_Anoo_ . . . Gai-sensei, threatening people is _not_ youthful…" Lee said.

. . .

"Gai-sensei?"

"IF I SAY IT IS THEN IT _IS_! GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

"No!"

"Good, now let's play…" Gai took out a bottle and spun it.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"_Anoo_ . . . Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked, "You _do_ know that's Spin-the-Bottle and not Truth-or-Dare, _right_?"

. . .

"Gai-sensei?"

"IF I SAY IT IS THEN IT _IS_! GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

"Nope!"

"Good, then let's continue."

_Geez, he's worse than Tsunade and Sakura combined… _Kakashi and Jiraiya thought.

Sasuke shrugged. _Must be PMSing…_

And so the bottle spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and landed on . . . Sasuke.

_Shit!_ the Uchiha thought.

Gai had an evil grin on his face. "Truth or dare?" he asked, his tone matched his expression.

"I don't even _want_ to play this game!"

"JUST CHOOSE!"

"Fine, truth."

"Aw, you're no fun!"

"Deal with it."

"Fine… Mh…"

"Oh, I got one!" Naruto said. "Sasuke, if we were to hose you down with about a gallon of water, would you still be able to use your fire jutsu?"

"What kind of question is that?" Sakura asked.

"STAY OUT OF THIS! Sasuke, JUST HURRY UP AND ANSWER IT!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. "I . . . seriously . . . don't know."

Everyone halfway fell backwards at his answer. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU _DON'T_ KNOW?"

"I just _don't_, okay? I never tried it before."

"Okay, so let's give it a try!" Naruto said, a hose in his hands.

"Hey, where did you get—" But before Sasuke could finish his question, Naruto shot a whole river of water at him. And when that water was finished…

"DOBE! KATON!" And it turned out that, yes, Sasuke could still use his fire jutsu even after he was hosed down.

"Serves the idiot right," Neji scoffed.

"Okay, okay," Gai said, trying to calm everyone down. "Next person."

And so the bottle spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and landed on . . . Sai.

_. . ._ Sai thought.

"Truth or _dare_?" Gai said, almost in an Orochimaru manner.

"Truth."

"Aw, you're just like the Uchiha. You're no fun, too!"

"_Huh_?"

"Okay, let's see…" Gai said, thinking about a question.

"Oh, I got one!" Naruto said. "Sai, if we were to hose you down with a gallon of water, would your make-up run?"

. . .

. . .

"_What_?" Sai asked. "Dickless, I don't _wear_ make-up."

"But then why are you so pale? Are you made out of paint?"

"_Anoo_ . . . Dickless, you're only entitled to ask one question."

"Yeah, Naruto." Ino said. "Stop picking on Sai."

"Fine…" The dobe crossed his arms. _I'll get you soon, Sai. And when I do . . . Mwah-ha-ha!_

"Naruto, stop torturing Sai in your head."

"Yes, Sakura-chan…"

_Phew! _Sai thought. _He almost found out…_

"Okay, next person!" Gai said. And he spun the bottle once more. And the bottle spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and…

_WHAM_!

"_Enough_ with the spinning already!" Tenten yelled. "It's giving me a headache!"

"_Anoo_ . . . you didn't have to break my collector's item…" Gai said, sniffling tears.

"Oh, yes, I did! It's payback! _Payback_, I say! PAYBACK! Mwa-ha-ha!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"_Anoo_ . . . Tenten, how much caffeine did you drink?" Neji asked.

"Oh, not much… Just about, _anoo_ . . ."—Tenten counted on her fingers—"Maybe twenty _small_ cups…" she said, still counting.

"I don't even want to know…" the Hyuga prodigy said.

"Okay, on with the game!" Gai said. "Sakura, truth or dare!"

"Why _me_?"

"Just choose!"

"Fine then… Truth."

"Oh, come on! You people are _no fun_! No fun _at all_!"

"Will you just ask the question already?"

"Fine! Mh…"

"Oh, I know, I know!" Naruto said, almost jumping out of his seat.

"Naruto, I swear . . . if it's another question about a hose," Sakura gritted her teeth. "I'll personally kill you and drag your unmoving body to the Akatsuki!"

"Fine, fine, _sheesh_…" Naruto said. "But my question is: is your hair naturally pink?"

And suddenly everyone crowded around the kunoichi who started turning red.

"Wh-wh-what kind of question is _that_?" she asked.

"JUST ANSWER IT ALREADY!" everyone screamed.

"Fine, it's natural."

"_HA_!" the rest of the kunoichi said, standing from their seats; their hands out. "Pay up, boys!"

And all the guys took out a few couple of hundred-dollared bills from their pockets and gave it to those loan sharks.

"You guys . . . _BET_ ON IT?" Sakura screamed.

". . . _Anoo_ . . . don't get mad?" everyone suggested, but it came out as a question because they were all so scared of her.

And during that moment, it really did look like Sakura was going to punch them black and blue. But then . . . she laughed. "Girls," she said, "Looks like we're back in business!" And she high-fived each of the kunoichi.

"_Huh_?" all the guys asked.

"Every time we're short on money, we always make the bet on Sakura's hair and, since no one believes pink hair is natural, we're _always_ rolling in dough!" Ino said.

"It's f-f-fairly easy!" Hinata added.

"So . . . how much did we make this time?" Sakura asked.

"Let's see…" Karin said. "All the guys bet a hundred dollars, but they had to pay each of us, so that's five-hundred each guy… And there are fourteen guys here (Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, Sai, Yamato, Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Lee, Gai, Neji, Suigetsu, Juugo), so that's seven-thousand dollars!"

"_SHOPPING SPREE_!" the girls giggled.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru said.

"WHAT WAS _THAT_?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

"Okay, let's all forget about all the money we lost, and get back to the game." Gai said.

"Ha!" Ino snorted. "_You_ may have lost money, but we girls gained!"

"I SAID, _'BACK TO THE GAME'_!'"

"Fine, fine, sheesh! Can't take a joke, can we?"

"Okay," Gai said, ignoring Ino's comment. "Let's see"—he glanced at everyone in the room—"Who shall be my _next_ victim?"

_Victim? _everyone thought. _Just exactly what is he planning?_

"Hee-hee-hee, Karin!"

"What, _me_?" the redhead asked.

"Yes, truth or dare?"

"Truth!"

"Oh, come on, peoples!" Gai complained. "Can't you choose something _other_ than truth?"

"JUST HURRY UP WITH THE DAMN GAME!"

"Fine, fine… _Anoo_…"

"Ooh, ooh!"

"Yes, Monkey-san?"

"Jeez, teme, stop coming up with stupid nicknames!"

"Naruto, just hurry up with that question!"

"Hai, Sakura-chan…" And so, Naruto asked his question. "Karin, how many plastic surgeries have you had?"

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

"YOU LITTLE _BRAT_! HOW _DARE_ YOU ASK ME THAT?" Karin was absolutely fuming. Whether or not she was so red because of embarrassment of anger, no one knew. "WHY, I'LL THAT FAT LITTLE NECK OF YOURS!"

Luckily for the future Hokage, Suigetsu and Juugo were holding her back.

"Hey, I've got a question…" Naruto scratched his head. "How can my neck be fat _and_ little at the same time?"

. . .

. . .

. . .

"DON'T BE A SMARTASS AT A TIME LIKE THIS!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh! Can't a guy make a joke?"

"NO, YOU CAN_NOT_!"

"Okay, okay…"

"Okay, back to the game!" Gai said. "_Anoo_ . . . Neji! And since I know you're going to choose truth, I'll just go ahead and ask the question."

_But I was going to choose dare…_

"Neji, your hair's so smooth and silky. Just exactly how do you get it that way?"

. . .

. . .

"Gee, I don't know… I actually _bathe_ once a day?"

. . .

. . .

"Oh, come on, peoples! Don't you have _any _juicy secrets?"

"Yes, but _you're_ the one asking the questions!" Suigetsu groaned. "If it were _me_ then I'd already have dirt on _everyone_ here!"

"Oh, yeah, smart guy?"

"Yeah!"

"Then why don't _you_ ask the questions?"

"With pleasure!"

"Oh no…" Sasuke shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked.

"You'll see…"

"Okay, okay, this game's under _new_ management!" Suigetsu said, pacing around the whole group.

"Oh, bother…" Karin rolled her eyes.

"And from now on, you'll answer to me! Is that understood?"

****coughscoughs****

"Are there any questions?"

Shino raised his head.

"Yes, the quiet boy whom plays with bugs."

"_Anoo_ . . . I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Are you _really_ made out of water?"

Everyone turned and stared at him.

"_What_?" Shino asked. "What did I say?"

"Shino, that was _the_ most worst question you could ever ask!" Kiba said.

"Okay, fine!" the bug-boy sulked.

"Okay, time to start this game!" Suigetsu said. "_Pinkie_!" he pointed at Sakura. "Truth or dare?"

"But I already went!" Sakura complained.

"Yes, but this is a new game, so technically you didn't go yet!"

"Oh, fine, truth!"

. . .

. . .

"Gee, you _are_ boring!"

It took both Sasuke and Naruto to restrain their teammate.

"Okay, here's the question: are you or are you _not_ pregnant?"

Silence…

More silence…

Cricket chirping…

"I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

Now it took Sasuke, Naruto, Sai, Kakashi, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, and Tenten to hold the cherry blossom down.

Yep, this game was so _not_ going good…

"So . . . you _are_ pregnant?"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**Okay, me es sorry that this chapter was short but me couldn't come up with any good Truth-or-Dare stuff. So you all, please tell me in your review what you want to see in the next chapter of Truth-or-Dare.**


	9. TRUTH OR DARE: MOVIE THEATER EDITION

-Okay, so as the Truth-or-Dare game goes crazy, our favorite shinobi are forced to act out scenes from our favorite movies and fairytales. Oh, god, shinobi as actors? That's something worth paying to see! What could possibly go wrong? Wait, Ino's singing? Oh, boy, that's so not good…

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**Yay! A new chapter! Sorry, I took a while, but I was _really_ busy! And without further ado, here's the chapter!**

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Chapter Nine

TRUTH OR DARE: MOVIE THEATER EDITION

"I mas musm miming (I was just kidding)…" Suigetsu said through a broken jaw that he was now trying to fix by . . . doing something weird with his body made out of water.

Sakura crossed her arms and _hmp_ed. "Shut your mouth and let the water fix you."

"So . . . you're paying for my medical bill?" Suigetsu asked, his jaw was now apparently fixed.

"HELL _NO_!"

"Sheesh, I was just kidding…" Suigetsu mumbled. "Okay, back to the game!"

_We're still playing?_ everyone thought.

"Yes, we are."

_He can read our minds?_

"No, I can't."

_Then how…?_

"I'm just really good at taking guesses."

_Oh… That explains it…_

"So . . . who's first?"

"Ooh, ooh! Me! Me!" Naruto jumped up and down.

"Okay, Naruto, I dare you to—"

"Hey, doesn't he get a choice of either truth or dare? Hence the name of the game Truth-or-Dare?" Neji asked.

"Well, since all you peoples are _wimps_, I decided to get rid of the truth option and keep only the dare." Suigetsu said.

"Well, that's not much of a game." Kiba sulked.

"YES, IT IS!"

"Fine, fine."

"Good, now where was I?" Suigetsu thought for a moment, and a light bulb suddenly went off. "I know! Naruto, I dare you to put on a tutu and start jumping around the place yelling '_Pikachu'_!"

"_What_?" Naruto asked. "Where am I supposed to get a tutu?"

And suddenly Ino had two tutus in her hands. "Would you like pink or white?"

"It doesn't matter," Sasuke said. "He wouldn't look good in either color anyway."

"For your information, teme, I wear pink underwear, and I don't hear anyone complaining about that!" Naruto said. "Not even Hinata did when we—"

"Alright, too much information!" Sakura yelled, covering her ears.

"Now, do your dare." Suigetsu said.

But that proved a bit . . . _difficult_. Naruto had never worn a tutu before, so he had no idea how to put it on or where it went. (A/N: neither did any of guys, by the way.) And so, he put one on his head and wore the other one like a sash. And then he started jumping up and down. "Pikachu! Pikachu!"

Laughter and sweatdrop filled the room. It just looked wrong…

"Okay, next victim!" Suigetsu said. "_Hinata_!"

"What, who, _me_?" the Hyuga asked.

"Yes. Can you tell me—"

"Hey, I thought you got rid of the truth option," Karin said.

"Yeah," Juugo seconded that. "And doesn't the . . . _anoo_, _'victim'_ get to choose which one she wants to do?"

"NO, SHE _DOESN'T_!" Suigetsu yelled. "Now, dear, sweet, Hinata. Lovely, innocent, pure, kind-hearted—"

"We get it," Shino said. "Just get on with it."

"Hinata, can you tell me what's the _worst_ thing you've ever seen?"

And then sweet, innocent Hinata started twitching. She opened her mouth but only "_Mhdi weisdk iwei sdkle_" came out.

"_Hinata_?" Sakura asked as she supported the girl from going into a heart attack. "Come on, you can tell us. It can't be any worse than Sasuke and Naruto kissing."

_Don't remind me of that…_ the two rivals thought.

"I, we . . . they . . ." the Hyuga shuddered. "I . . . we . . . my team were on a . . . a mission… And that . . . the first night we were camping, I was with Kurenai-sensei . . . and Kiba and Shino were in their tent… I . . . I went out for a walk . . . and . . . I—"

"Okay, Hinata, there's no need to say it!" Kiba said out of the blue.

"No, let her continue." Suigetsu said, an evil smile on his face. "This sounds _dirty_, hee-hee…"

"I . . . I came back," Hinata continued, the twitching got worse. "And . . . and I went into the wrong tent… And I . . . I saw . . . I saw . . ."

"What, Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked, shaking her crazy. "_What_?"

"_Naruto_!" Sakura scolded.

"What did you _see_, Hinata-chan?"

"I saw . . ." the Hyuga said, "I saw"—she pointed at her two teammates—"I saw _those two_, Dog-boy and Bug-Boy, making-out!"

"_EH_?" everyone was so shocked.

"And I thought _my_ teammates were gay!" Sakura said.

"Hey!" Sasuke, Naruto, and Sai yelled.

"And that's . . . that's not all!" Hinata said. "Their . . . their legs were entwined and . . . and—"

"Alright," Shino said, covering the girl's mouth. "That's enough sugar for you. Why don't you run along now, you little _cutie_[1]?"

"OMG! I never thought I'd get a scandal!" Suigetsu was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. "This is getting good! Okay, now, my next victim! _Sasuke_! I dare you to—and if anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace—propose to Pinkie almost as if you were in a comedy movie!"

A chorus of _Ooh_s shot out from everyone there even from Karin, and Sakura turned as red as . . . well, you think about it. How red would you turn if everyone's eyes were on you and you were going to be playfully proposed to?

"We are just about to blow up the internet," Kakashi said, a camcorder in Yamato's hands.

"Do it! Do it!" Naruto cheered.

"Dobe, I'm gonna kill you right after I kill Suigetsu."

"Daijōbu, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said. "It's okay . . . that is, if you're too _chicken_ to do it!"

Another chorus of _Ooh_s…

"Sakura, you shouldn't waste your time." Ino said. "We don't know if he even _really_ loves you."

A chorus of _Oh-ho_s…

"Well, how do you expect me to show it?" Sasuke asked.

"Well," Ino said. "Cue the music!"

"Oh_ no_!" Sakura and Shikamaru shook their heads, knowing the torture of Ino's off-key singing.

_"How does she know that you love her?_

_How do you show her you love her?_

_How does she know that you really, really, truly, love her?_

_It's not enough to take the one you love for granted_

_You must remind her or she'll be inclined to say_

_How do I know, he loves me?_

_How do I know, he's mine?_

_Does he leave a little note to tell you, you are on his mind?_

_Send you yellow flowers when the sky is gray?_

_He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday._

_That's how you know, that's how you know, he's your love._

_Everybody wants to live happily ever after_

_Everybody wants to know true love is true_

_How do you know, he loves you?_

_How do you know, he's yours?_

_Does he take you out dancing just so he can hold you close?_

_Dedicate a song with words meant just for you?_

_He'll find his own way to tell you, with the little things he'll do_

_That's how you know, that's how you know, he's your—"_

"Okay, I get it!" Sasuke said, finally fed up with Ino's singing. "I'll do the proposal."

A round of cheers from everyone…

"Sakura…"

"Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

"I—"

"_What_? You're not going to get on your knees and show me the ring?"

A chorus of laughter…

"I don't _have_ a ring."

"Then what kind of proposal is this?"

"Not the real one."

Another chorus of _Ooh_s…

"Okay then, continue."

"I know you're really annoying—"

And another chorus of laughter…

"—And I know you have a gigantic forehead."

And another…

"Oh," Sakura said, "And here I thought you were going to say _something else_. I could strangle you for saying that, you know."

"Do you _want_ to hear this or not?"

"Fine… Go on."

"And I know I'm kind of obsessed with revenge most of the time—"

"_Most of the time_?" Sakura asked. "Don't you mean _'all of the time'_?"

"Fine, I'm obsessed with revenge _all of the time_, and I know I don't have time for any of that boy-and-girl thing, and I know everyone _thinks_ that I have the hots for somebody else."

"Oh, gross, teme! I'm not gay!"

"Do you guys want me to _not_ do this?"

"Carry on."

"But," he continued to Sakura.

"_Yes_?" Sakura asked as if she didn't know what was coming up.

"Will you be my ninja bride?"

Everyone was laughing now and blowing whistles or screaming while Kakashi was going, "_Finally_!"

"_Anoo_ . . . hold on a second," Sakura said. "Suigetsu, is this from when we were _genin_ or _now_ as in _Shippuden_?"

"Let's see _genin_!" Tenten and Ino yelled.

Another chorus of laughter…

"Okay," and Sakura took a deep breath. "_Anoo_ . . . could you say that again, Sasuke-kun?"

"Heheh," Sasuke laughed dryly, "Look, it was hard enough to say it _once_."

A chorus of _Oh_s…

"I don't know if I can say it again."

"_Please_? Could you _please_ try to say it again? I didn't quite hear you correctly." She cupped her hand around her ear and leaned in closer.

"Will . . . you . . . be my . . . ninja bride?"

And then Sakura pretended to hyperventilate. "_CHA_!"

Even Gaara in Suna heard that.

Another chrous of laughter and a round of applause…

"Yes, I will!" Sakura continued. "I will, I will, I will, I will, I WILL!" And then . . . she pretended to faint.

Another round of laughter and applause…

"Now," Sakura said as she shot up onto her feet.

"No, no," Sasuke said, knowing what she'd say next.

"Do you guys want to see this pro-_Shippuden_?"

"_YES_!" everyone answered.

"You're _all_ dead," was what Sasuke said.

And now Sakura put her hands on her hips. "Could you repeat the question please?"

"I want to _kill_ you."

A chorus of laughter…

"I know what you're _really_ trying to say, Sasuke. You're just not _man_ enough to say it."

A chorus of _Ooh_s…

"It has taken you far too long to see how great I am," Sakura continued. "So I'm not sure if I _want_ to give in to you."

A chorus of _Oh_s and _Ooh_s…

"So my answer is no."

A chorus of _Oh_s and _Ooh_s with a _Ho-ho _added in somewhere…

"And I'm very busy, I have a lot people to heal, I have a lot of things to do now, and I gotta go. Sorry."

"_NOOOOOOOOOO_!" everyone cried.

"And see, kids?" Suigetsu asked. "This is why you should never embark on quests of revenge."

A chorus of laughter…

"You snooze," Sakura said, "you lose."

"Nicely put," Sasuke said. "Luckily, that wasn't my _real_ proposal."

Another of _Oh_s…

"And when do you plan on _really_ proposing then?" Sakura asked.

"You'll see."

"Okay, enough of this!" Suigetsu said. "We saw the proposal, and now I dare you two to do that scene in _Titantic_!"

"_Huh_?" Sakura asked. "_What_ scene?"

"Oh, I'm not talking about the nude painting," Suigetsu said. "I know I'd get punch for even asking for that, and so I'm asking for that scene where they're in the water and making that _I'll-never-let-go _promise."

"But there's no water."

"I can make that sentence false."

"Never mind…" Sakura said. She turned her attention back to Sasuke. "You want to do it?"

"Well, it can't be any more embarrassing than you refusing my fake proposal."

"Sorry, but you _did_ deserve that." Sakura said. She turned back to Suigetsu. "Are we using our names or the characters' names?"

"Yours."

"Okay." Sakura said. "Sasuke, you start it."

"Fine…" he sighed. "I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this."

Sakura laughed weakly, but her laugh sounded more like a gasp of fear. "I love you, Sasuke."

"No… Don't say your goodbyes, Sakura. Don't you give up. Don't do it."

"I'm so cold."

Everyone's eyes widened, and the kunoichi and Naruto started biting on their handkerchiefs that they suddenly took out.

"You're going to get out of this," Sasuke continued with his character's lines, pretending to have trouble breathing. "You're going to go on, and you're going to make babies and watch them grow, and you're going to die an old lady, warm in your bed. Not here… Not this night. Do you understand me?"

"I can't feel my body…"

"Sakura, listen to me. Winning that ticket was the _best_ thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you. And I'm thankful, Sakura. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor… Promise me you _will_ survive . . . that you will _never_ give up… No matter what happens, no matter how hopeless . . . promise me now, and never let go of that promise."

"I promise."

"Never let go."

"I promise. I will never let go, Sasuke. I'll never let go."

"_WAH_!" the other kunoichi and Naruto started crying. "No, don't continue! It's too sad!"

"Who knew the teme could act?" Naruto cried, wiping his tears and blowing his nose.

"Oh, how troublesome…" Shikamaru shook his head.

"That . . ." Kakashi's voice choked up. "That was just . . . just _beautiful_."

"Thank you," Sakura said. "Now . . . are you guys done picking on me and Sasuke-kun?"

"Fine," Suigetsu said. "You've escaped for now, but I'll get you next time and when I do . . . _MWA-HA-HA_!"

Everyone just stared at him.

"_What_?"

"You've just ruined the wonderful moment of a _Titanic_ showing," Karin said.

"Well, sorry, but it's time for the next dare. Naruto and Hinata! I dare you to act out a scene from _Spirited Away_!"

"Which scene?" Naruto asked. "Do you mean when the spirits were slapping that pig?"

"Or do you mean when Chihiro was running down the stairs and hit herself against the wall?" Hinata asked. "Or do you mean the scene when she stepped on that slug-thing?"

"I mean, the part where they—as in Haku and Chihiro, if you don't know who I mean—when they _met_." Suigetsu explained.

"_Oh_…"

"So do it."

"Oh . . . okay…" Naruto said, scratching his head, while Hinata fiddled with her fingers.

"_Wait_! Someone needs to play the train!"

"Arf!" Akamaru barked as he started walking in a straight path. "Choo-woo!" (A/N: he's a dog, so he can't pronounce Chu-chu so well.)

"Th-there's the train!" Hinata said. The scene had just started. She pretended to be more interested in Akama—I mean, the _train_. And so, when her eyes met Naruto's, she was more or less than surprised.

"You shouldn't be here," Naruto said in a serious tone, walking over to the heiress. "Get out of here _now_!"

"What?" Hinata asked.

"It's almost night. _Leave_ before it gets dark!"

. . .

A chorus of laughter…

"Okay, _what_ did I do?" Naruto asked.

"I'm . . . sorry, Naruto!" Sakura clutched her stomach. "But . . . you being _serious_ . . . OMG! I couldn't take it! I'm sorry!"

"Dobe, she has a point."

"_SHUT UP_, TEME!"

"Okay, since that dare didn't go so well," Suigetsu said, "Naruto! I dare you to kiss Hinata!"

"_WHAT_?" Naruto asked as Hinata turned a bright shade of red.

"Oh, you _better_ not!" Neji said, his Byakugan activated now. "Or so help me, I'll—"

Tenten and Gai held him back.

"Neji, do not attack Naruto-kun!" Lee said. "It will not be youthful! This shall be Naruto-kun's first kiss with a _girl_!"

"STOP REMINDING US ABOUT _THAT_ KISS!" Naruto and Sasuke yelled.

"Enough excuses!" Ino said. "Time to kiss that girl! Hey, that reminds me… It's time for _another_ musical number!"

"Oh, no…" Sakura groaned, shaking her head, but the music started anyway despite numerous protests from everyone there.

_"There you see her_

_Sitting there across the way"_

"_Anoo_ . . . I'm standing…" Hinata said.

_"She don't got a lot to say_

_But there's something about her_

_And you don't know why_

_But you're dying to try_

_You wanna kiss the girl."_

"Oh, he _better_ not," Neji growled.

_"Yes, you want her_

_Look at her, you know you do"_

"I _do_?" Naruto asked.

_"It's possible she wants you too"_

"She _does_?"

_"There's one way to ask her_

_It don't take a word, not a single word_

_Go on and kiss the girl (kiss the girl)_

_Shalalalala_

_My oh my_

_Looks like the boy's too shy"_

"I AM _NOT_ SHY!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"Yes, Neji…"

_"Ain't gonna kiss the girl_

_Shalalalala_

_Ain't that sad_

_It's such a shame_

_Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl_

_Go on and kiss the girl (kiss the girl)_

_Now's your moment_

_Floating in a blue lagoon"_

"_What_ lagoon?" Sakura asked.

_"Boy, you better do it soon_

_No time will be better_

_She don't say a word_

_And she won't say a word_

_Until you kiss the girl (kiss the girl)"_

_Shalalalala_

_My oh my_

_Looks like the boy's too shy_

_Ain't gonna kiss the girl_

_Shalalalala—"_

"_ENOUGH_ ALREADY WITH THE SHOW TUNES!" Shikamaru screamed. "Naruto, just get this troublesome thing over with already!"

"_What_?" Neji asked. "Shikamaru, you betray me too? Oh, your time will come! I know torture[2]!"

"Enough excuses! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" everyone started chanting.

"Kiss the Hyuga girl already!" Suigetsu yelled.

"Alright, alright!" Naruto said. "Come here, Hinata-chan!" He puckered and then… "Hinata? _Hinata-chan_! Are we doing _Sleeping Beauty _now?"

Sakura and Ino began to fan the girl who had just fainted.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Suigetsu complained. "Okay, on to the next dare! Let's see, who's next? Ah, Neji and Tintin!"

"_Tenten_!"

"Whatever! I dare you to act out a scene from _101 Dalmatians_!"

"I am not getting on all fours," Neji said.

"You can be _Cruella_~!" Suigetsu said singsong.

"Okay, I'll do it!"

"Oh, _this_ will be good…" Kiba snickered.

"I need a door!" Neji said. "Oh, _Yamato_~!"

"Fine, fine." And Yamato created a wooden door.

Sai started doing the sound effects for a car and for a doorbell ringing.

"Let her . . . or him in, _anoo_ . . . Lee." Tenten said, unsure of what her lines should be.

But Lee didn't need to open the door because Neji used his Byakugan and smashed right there it.

"Tenten _darling_!" he exclaimed.

"And here I thought Cruella just walked in," Sasuke said.

"How are you?" Tenten asked.

"_Miserable_, darling, as usual," Neji said with smoke and everything coming out of a pipe. "But perfectly _wretched_!"

"I'll say," Naruto whispered to Hinata.

"I heard _that_!" Neji yelled.

"Okay, enough with this dare!" Karin said. "_I_ should've been Cruella!"

"Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? Because I'm a better Cruella than you'll ever be!"

"OMG, can you spell out _primadonna_?" Ino said to Sakura.

"Okay, next dare!" Suigetsu said. "Shikamaru, I dare you to be the Beast from _Beauty and the Beast_, and I want you to act in the prologue. Kakashi shall be the old beggar woman—"

"Hey, I resent that!" the jonin said.

"—Pinkie shall be the enchantress, and Choji shall be the narrator, so _chop, chop_! Let's do this thing!"

"Okay, hold on," Choji said, swallowing the food that was in his mouth. He took a deep breath but then, "Where's the dramatic music? I can't work in this kind of environment!"

"Oh, hold on!" Juugo said as he took out a flute and started playing it.

"Good," Choji smiled and then, in a deep voice, he began reciting the prologue:

_"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young Prince lived in a shining castle."_

"More like a dark, cold dungeon," Shikamaru said, looking over their large cell.

_"Although he had everything his heart desired, the Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind."_

"Don't forget _lazy_, _rotten_, and _smartassy smart_!" Naruto said, getting a glare from Shikamaru.

_"But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle—"_

Kakashi walked over to Shikamaru all hunched up.

_"—and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold."_

And Kakashi punched the smartass right in the kisser.

"OY! I SAID _'ROSE'_!" Choji yelled. "NOT A PUNCH!"

"Gomen ne, I couldn't resist."

"Okay, where was I?"

"_'In return for shelter from the bitter cold._'"

"Oh, yeah…" Choji cleared his throat.

_"Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the Prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for Beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away—"_

Kakashi just stood there.

_"Melted away…"_

Kakashi kept standing there.

_"MELTED AWAY!"_

Kakashi continued to stand there.

"Would someone just melt him already?" Suigetsu asked.

"I'll do it," Sasuke said. "_Katon_!"

And Kakashi was running around, his hair on fire.

_"The old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful Enchantress."_

Sakura came into the scene then.

_"The Prince tried to apologize—"_

Shikamaru just stood there, yawning.

_"The Prince tried to _apologize_—"_

"Oh, wait, that's _me_!" Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Sorry, sorry, _blah_, _blah_, _blah_, sorry."

_"But it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast—"_

Sakura threw a whole bucket of mud onto the genius.

"Oh no, it's _mud_! _Gee_, that is _so_ ulgy." Tenten said.

_"—and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there."_

"Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!"

"That's from _Cinderella_!"

"WHO CARES? JUST DEAL WITH IT!"

_"Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The Rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom for many years. If he could learn to love another—"_

"Yeah, _right_, he's too lazy to love _anyone_." Ino said.

_"—and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. And as the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love . . . a smartass?"_

"I distinctly remember that last part being _'Who could ever learn to love a beast,' _not _'smartass'_." Shino said.

"DEAL WITH IT!" Choji yelled.

"You know," Naruto said, "with everything going on, I feel like a song."

"Don't, dobe, don't."

But it was too late. The music had already started.

_"I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!"_

"I thought he wanted to be Hokage," Sasuke said to Sakura. "Now he wants to be _king_? King of _what_ exactly?"

_"I'm gonna be the main event, like no king was before._

_I'm brushing up on looking down._

_I'm working on my roar!"_

"Oh, he is _so_ not marrying Hinata _now_." Neji said.

_"Oh, I just can't wait to be king!"_

"You've rather a long way to go, Naruto!" Yamato said. "If you think—"

_"No one saying _'do this'_"_

"Now when I said that I—"

_"No one saying _'be there'_"_

"What I meant was that the—"

_"No one saying _'stop that'_"_

"But what you don't realize—"

_"No one saying _'see here'_"_

"Now see here!"

"Oh, give it up, Yamato-taichou," Sai said. "He's not going to listen."

_"Free to run around all day…"_

"Well, that's definitely out," Ino said. "We'd be surrounded by Naruto clones if _that_ were to happen."

_"Free to do it all my way!"_

"I think it's time that you and he arranged a heart-to-heart," Sakura said to Sasuke.

"What's the use? He'd just eat ramen all day."

_"Kings don't need advice from little horn-bills, for a start."_

"If this is where the monarchy is headed then count me out!" Karin said. "Out of service, out of Konoha. I wouldn't hang about."

"This child is getting wildly out of wing!" Juugo said.

_"Oh I just can't wait to be king! Everybody look left—"_

"Oh, why _us_?" everyone asked.

_"Everybody look right—"_

"This is just stupid."

_"Everywhere you look, I'm standing spotlight."_

"Why are _we_ tortured?"

_"Oh I just can't wait to be king._

_Oh I just can't wait to be king._

_Oh I just can't wait—"_

"OKAY, _ENOUGH_!" Sakura yelled. "Here's a dare worth trying! I dare you all to help me break out of jail! And no more show tunes! GOT _THAT_?"

"Hai, Tsuna—we mean, Sakura!"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**Gomen ne = sorry (informal)**

**Taichou = team leader**

**[1] = line from _Lilo & Stitch _said by Nani**

**[2] = line from _The King and I_ (the animated movie) said by Master Little**

**Yay! I finished this chapter! Oh, and peoples, I didn't get the idea of Sasuke proposing to Sakura on my own. There's a video of their English voice actors doing this on YouTube. It's called _Naruto Panel: Sasuke proposing to Sakura (part 4) MUST SEE!_ I just added a bit of what I wanted Sakura to say on some of the parts.**

**Also, the song that Ino sings in the beginning part is called _That's How You Know _from _Enchanted_. The next song is _Kiss the Girl _from _The Little Mermaid_, and the last song Naruto sings is _I just can't wait to be King_ from _The Lion King_.**

**I hoped you all enjoyed and so, please review!**


	10. JAILBREAK

-Okay, so as our favorite shinobi try and escape from jail, they're met with a whole lot of complications. One being Tsunade gambling away the village's deed while the other . . . is Naruto being James Bond.

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**Alright, I got the new chapter up! Yay me! But it's really short, you guys. Oh, and I might not be able to update any of my fanfics so soon either. My mom has completely forbidden me to go on the computer on school days… Yes, I know. She's so mean… Well, anyway, please enjoy this chapter. I really tried to incorporate a whole lot into it, but it didn't come out as long as I wanted… Sorry, again, but please try and enjoy it.**

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Chapter Ten

JAILBREAK

As the two ANBU guards made their ways around the cells, when they came upon Konoha 11 and Team Hebi's jail cell, they were met by a . . . err, _unpleasant_ sight.

"OH MY GOD! Is he foaming at the mouth?"

"Oh god, man! That is just _gross_!"

"We should get Lady Tsunade!"

"No, she'll kill us for interrupting her gambling!"

"Then . . . what do we do?"

"Let's just walk away and pretend we never saw this."

"Good idea."

And so the two guards did just that. They ignored the idiot blonde and walked away.

"Hee-hee…" Naruto chuckled, wiping his mouth. "Phase one of the plan is complete!"

"Nice going, dobe. But . . . I _think_ you forgot something."

"_Oh_? And what's that, teme?"

"Oh, _I don't know_… Did you get the keys?"

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

"Oh, god! I completely, totally forgot about that!"

"YOU _IDIOT_!"

"Now, Sakura-chan, I—"

But it was too late. Naruto was sent flying four meters to the right.

"Now, now, calm down, Saku-zilla." Ino said.

"I think I liked _'Forehead'_ better…" the kunoichi mumbled, crossing her arms.

"Fine then, _Forehead_, calm down. We still have time."

"What do you mean _'time'_? Tsunade's probably gambling away the deed to the village right now!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

_Ha-ha, I'm so gonna win! _the Kages thought.

"Jan-ken-pon!"

"Ha! I win! Again! (A/N: OMG! Something _bad_ is going to happen now that she's winning!)" Tsunade jumped. "Hand over the deeds to your villages!"

_Damn it! How does she keep winning?_

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Okay, let's think this through…" Yamato said. "We—"

"Hey, what happened to Jiraiya?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Naruto. We—hey, you're right… Where _is_ Jiraiya-sama?"

"Oh, Jiraiya-sama has finally seen the light," Gai said.

"You _mean_…?"

"Yes, he went back to Lady Tsunade's gambling room because he said he didn't want to continue watching our poor attempts of escape."

Everyone fell back then. _Even the pervert can't stand the sight of us right now…_

"Okay, let's get back to our jailbreak plan, shall we?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, I don't see how we're going to get out of this cell," Shino said.

"Well, of course, we . . . we are!" Hinata exclaimed. "The walls are made out of glass, after all…"

Everyone was now staring at the Hyuga heiress.

"_What_? Was it something I said?"

"_Anoo_ . . . Hinata-chan, how do you know the walls are made of glass?" Tenten asked.

"Oh, I was thrown in here one day."

"What? Why?" Suigetsu asked. "Did you commit some sort of heinous crime?"

"_Ha_! There is _no way _sweet, innocent Hinata would do such a thing!" Lee said.

"Well . . . funny thing is . . . I _did_ do something bad, bad enough to get me put in here for a week."

And then everyone gathered around the Hyuga.

She took a deep breath. "Well, you see . . . someone was making fun of Hanabi, my younger sister who my father apparently thinks is better than _ME_!" She started hyperventilating then, and she actually looked scarier than Zabuza in demon form.

"Anoo . . . Hinata-chan, can you please calm down?" Sakura asked. "You're scaring Kiba…"

Meanwhile, Kiba was in a fetal position, sucking his thumb. "Hinata's a good girl… She's a _good_ girl… She won't hurt me… She won't…"

"Oh, _right_…" The Hyuga heir blushed at her mistake. "Now . . . where was I? Oh, yeah, someone was making fun of my sister, and so I attacked them. But then that guy grabbed my hair, and so I—"

"Cut off his head?"

"Poked out his eyes?"

"Kicked him in the place where it hurts the most?"

"No, no, and . . . eh, _kinda_." Hinata said, fidgeting her fingers as if she were too embarrass to speak about it. "Well, you see, he . . . he was pulling my hair so hard that . . . I was crying—"

Neji gasped. "What? Who was this kid? I'll _kill_ him!"

"There's . . . there's no need to, Neji-kun… He . . . moved already," Hinata explained. "So, back to my story… I was crying, so . . . I . . . my eyes were closed, and I bit down hard onto something. And . . . when I opened my eyes, there . . . there was blood everywhere! And it turns out . . . that I—"

Everyone leaned in closer—

"—that I . . . —"

—and cupped their ears.

"—that I . . . I . . . I bit out his balls!"

And now all the boys were like this O_o while the girls were like, "Hinata, we _worship_ you! You're a kunoichi among kunoichi!"

"I'm scared, teme…"

"Hn…" _I'm glad I'm not marrying her…_

"Okay, can we _please_ get back to our plan?" Sai asked.

"What plan?" everyone asked.

"The plan where we break out of jail."

"Oh… Right."

"Let's just all grab something and break the glass!" Choji suggested.

"I'll use my Rasengan!"

But when Naruto tried to use his jutsu, he found out that he had no chakra!

"_EH_? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHAKRA I HAD JUST A FEW _SECONDS_ AGO?"

"_Obviously_," Sakura said sarcastically, "The wall has ears and heard that you were going to destroy it and decided to take away your chakra!"

"_WHAT_? Mr. or Mrs. or Miss. Wall, I didn't _mean_ anything when I said that! Please forgive me!"

"Dickless, you're begging an unanimated object to forgive you."

"How petty…"

"You, shark-boy! Stop saying petty!" Naruto yelled.

"Alright, you guys, stand back." Sakura said. "I'll break us out."

"But _how_, Forehead?" Ino asked. "We've got no chakra."

"Well, thanks to my Mother Confessor[1], I got a set of Tibetan lungs."

At that point, Konoha 11 and Team Hebi were like "?" while all the jonin had on a death face and were on their knees.

"No, Sakura! There has to be another way!" Kakashi cried.

"It's too dangerous!" Yamato added.

"It's unyouthful to my ears!" Gai yelled.

"_Anoo_ . . . what _are_ they talking about?" Suigetsu asked of Konoha 11.

"Not sure," Shikamaru said. But then he realized Sakura had used the phrase "_Tibetan lungs_."

"Oh, no!" he exclaimed. "It can't be! She plans on using the . . . Tibetan Wail[2]!" [cue dramatic music]

"_Err_ . . . what kind of jutsu is that?" Naruto asked.

"It's not a jutsu," Neji said. He himself was also frightened. "It's—"

Sakura took a deep breath and "YEHHHH~EHHHHHH~EHHHHHHHH~_HEHHHHH_! _AHHHHHHHHH_~!"

"—that…"

"I think I went _deaf_ in my right ear," Shino said.

"I _know_ I went deaf in my left ear," Kiba said.

"Heck, I went deaf in _both_ my ears." Sai added.

"Well, _that_ was a waste of time!" Karin yelled at the pink-haired kunoichi. "You just tortured our ears for _nothing_! Why, the glass wall is still up and—"

But then in a few minutes, the ground began to rumble, and glass wall went crumbling into a few million pieces.

"You were _saying_?" Sakura asked.

"Never mind."

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"Da-da-da-da-dum… Da-da-la-da-dum… Da-da-da-la…" Naruto pressed himself against the wall and tip-toed all the way to the corner. In quick movements, he looked into the adjacent hallway. A Cheshire grin made its way on to his face. "Da-da-la-la-lum… Da-da-da-da-_LAA_~!"

"_What_ . . . do you _think_ . . . YOU ARE _DOING_?" A fist met his face, and he slammed into the wall.

"Hn, dobe."

"_Sakura-chan_~! You just ruined my James Bond moment!"

"DEAL WITH IT!"

"H-_Hai_…!"

"Hey, there they are!"

"Oh, great! Now look at what you two did!" Ino yelled. "The ANBU have found us! We're so in trouble now!"

"You guys have to get to ground level!" Naruto said. "Go! I'll distract them!" He brought his hand and blew. These flower petals came out of nowhere.

So did a punch.

"_NARUTO_!" Sakura screamed. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE _DOING_? USING _FLOWER PETALS_? THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I EVER SAW!"

"But . . . they were dragon scales…"

"I DON'T _CARE_! JUST WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE _DOING_?"

"Acting out a scene from _Spirited Away_!"

"THIS ISN'T A MOVIE!"

"Fine, fine! _Yeesh_, can't you take a joke?"

"Oh, gee… Let me think. We're trying to escape from jail, and there are at least a _hundred_ guards in this place, and they've all been alerted of our escape… Hm, do you _think_ we have time to fool around?"

"I . . . a simple _'no'_ could have been fine."

"DEAL WITH IT!"

"Okay, okay, Sakura-chan…" Naruto said. _Yeesh! She's worse than Tsunade-obaachan! When I become Hokage, I'll make sure she doesn't teach _anyone_! Even if she becomes the best medical nin in the whole universe, I can't risk having three Sakura juniors running around!_ "I know you're stressed out and stuff, but that's why I have a new full-proof plan."

"Don't let him do it, Sakura!" Tenten begged. "It'll probably land us in death row!"

"Hey! I resent that!" the ramen-loving shinobi said.

"Just let him do it, Sakura." Sasuke said. "Once Tsunade finds out you've destroyed her most strongest chakra-stealing jail-cell and probably her most _expensive_ jail-cell, we'll _all_ be beyond the point of no return. We've got nothing to lose."

"Well . . . if you say so…" Sakura said.

Naruto smiled. "_Finally_! Someone who believes in me!"

"I don't _believe_ in you, dobe. I'm just waiting for you to mess up so that I can blackmail you when you become Hokage."

"Hey! I resent that!"

"JUST GET ON WITH YOUR PLAN!"

"Hai, minna…" And so, Naruto cleared his throat, tucked in his shirt, and marched over to the guards.

_What is he doing? _All of Konoha 11, Team Hebi, and the guards were thinking that.

Naruto took a deep breath and said, "Look, here! This is your future Hokage speaking!"

"_Yeah_?" the guards said. "What about it?"

"If you let me and my friends go, I'll . . . I'll . . ." _Oh, crap! I didn't get this far with my plan!_

"You'll _what_?"

"I'll . . . I'll . . . I'll let you beat up the teme!"

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

"Naruto, you better have a death wish!" was the Uchiha's reply before Kakashi restrained him.

"Okay, scratch that!" Naruto said. "I'll . . . I'll . . . I'll make you honorary Teen Titans[3]!"

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

"_What_?" was the guard's reply while "_THAT_ WAS YOUR FULL-PROOF PLAN?" were Konoha 11 and Team Hebi's.

"I have a right mind to _leave_ him here!" Kiba said.

"I have the mind to beat him _up_!" Neji said.

"I have the urge to execute him _myself_!" Tenten said.

"I say we take away _all_ of his ramen when this is over!" Kakashi said.

"Well,_ I_ say we do _this_." Sakura grabbed Naruto and chucked him at the guards, blocking their path. It was a perfect strike and, if you listened closely, you might have heard the sound of a bowling ball hitting its target. "Everyone, make a run for it!"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"You didn't _have_ to use me as a weapon, Sakura-chan…" Naruto cried.

"Well, that was your punishment for being so stupid."

Naruto _hmp_ed.

"Oh, come on, Naruto! What do you _want_ me to say?"

"Kiss me?"

And in a few seconds, Naruto had a new bruise, courtesy of the Uchiha.

"I was just _kidding_, Teme!"

"Hn…"

✿｡.:**:.｡✿

"_EEEK_!"

"What is it, Shizune?"

"Oh, nothing… Nothing!" _Should I tell her that Konoha 11 and Team Hebi have escaped from jail?_

"SHIZUNE, GET ME AND THE SORE-KAGES SOME MORE SAKE!"

"HEY, WE'RE NOT SORE LOSERS!"

_Maybe later…_

✿°.·∴终わる∴·.°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**Jan-ken-pon = Rock-papers-scissors**

**Minna = everyone**

**[1] = Mother Confessor is a titled given to female Confessors in the series Legend of the Seeker. I just used the title because it sounded cool.**

**[2] = A distinctive singing style where the singer is able to stretch her vocals for a long period of time at very high notes. J-pop singer alan is noted and famous for using this technique in many of her songs.**

**[3] = I'm thinking you guys should know who they are**

**Yay, it's done… OMG! It's really too short, shorter than I thought! I'm so sorry you guys, but I really can't think of anything… Complete writer's block on this… HELP ME, PLEASE!**

**Oh, and the story with Hinata biting off someone's balls is based off of one of my daddy's co-workers' childhood stories. She was in Malaysia when this happened. And it turns out that, when she turned twenty, she fell in love with the guy whose balls she bit off, and unfortunately he hated her guts. Such a tragic love story… [sighs]**

**Oh, and please review and suggest some ideas please!**


	11. A FINISHING NOTE

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

**Hi, Peoples...**

**Just here to say that this fanfic is indeed finished. Done. Complete. But if you want to read more funny stories from me just read:**

It's funny when

PRACTICAL JOKE 恶作剧

Sakura's Makeover: Courtesy of Her Boys

LOVER

Naruto is an idiot

Guilty

Z! Z! Z! Zip! Zap! Zipangu!

영원한사랑 & 여성시대

**These are all _my_ fanfics, and the first two are continuing stories. The rest are oneshots. If you had liked this fanfic then you'll love every one on this list. Thank you and please continue to support my work!**

**Love,**

**Mistressinwaiting**

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°


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